Regarding DBing, I say it's not working because it doesn't seem to be getting any results in our MR, except making her mad. I know the MC stuff is good, but our first conversation after BD she said that it's a possibility. Maybe she's more serious about it now, but again, nothing seems to have really changed in her overall feelings towards me/us.
So I went back and reread your first post. BD was a few weeks ago. And you expect a couple weeks of DBing to make her completely turnaround and want R and to work on the MR? Those are very unrealistic expectations.
This is what you should expect: Rather than pursuing and pressuring and ending up D'd and emotionally wrecked by everything, DBing will make you relieve the pursuit and pressure and give her and your sitch room and time to breathe. But more importantly DBing helps you to be emotionally OK to move on to the next phase of your life REGARDLESS of what she decides.
There is no magic bullet. There is no "do this and she will come around". If there were this message board would be so short because it would be LBS posting here is my sitch, what do I do? And one response to it with the MAGIC BULLET. If you are DBing to get her to come around to the MR then you will fail. If you DB to heal yourself to be ready no matter what then there is a chance she will get interested in your changes and come around.
ALso you told the story about issues causing people to bail on her. No one is suggesting you bail on her. Detaching is not about bailing. That is what listening and validating is to avoid! She talks, you listen, you validate. DO NOT get in a tit-for-tat, it will only make things worse. Read the detachment thread. Detachment is about you now reacting emotionally to what she says and does. It is not about BAILING on her.
T, just breathe.....relax.......dig in because this is going to take a long time. Drop the negativity, embrace DBing for YOURSELF not her, and learn to be ok no matter what she says or does.
P.S. MY brother took his son to see Metallica (my brother';s favorite band) when he wasn't much older than 8. Your son will be fine (though I do suggest earplugs).
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
