Help Please: 2

[Terapin]

Just wanted to add one more thing. At one point in the conversation, after I asked her what she wanted, she asked what I wanted. My reply went something like this:

"As you know I wanted to save the M, and thought, and still think it's very possible. As inappropriate, confusing, and hurtful the things you said and did were, I could probably get past them eventually, but the following things would be required:

1. You must fully commit to working on our M. No half hearted attempts. I don't expect all of our time and energy to be on 'us', but we'd have to approach MC or whatever with the complete belief that we want it to work'. (she agreed to this, but wants some IC first).

2. You mentioned several times about depression, MLC, etc. You need to follow through with getting yourself straightened out. And alcohol isn't helping anything, so not saying you need to go to rehab or anything, but that's something that needs to be seriously looked at. (she said she has her first IC session this week. She knows alcohol is a problem, and it's her way to help 'cope', but she knows it's not helpful).

3. I need to trust you again. Not just regarding other guys, but being able to believe and trust what you say. This will take a while, but it'll be helped by the first two things I stated.' (she agreed she broke my trust and will need to earn it back)

4. If we do move forward with reconciliation, wedding rings should go back on. At least for symbolic reasons. (no real reaction from her)

5. You need to return to the marital bed. IDC about sex, but I think it's important, again at least for symbolic reasons (no reaction from her)."

I hate making 'demands', and I felt bad about telling her this stuff. Maybe I shouldn't have, but she asked. Surprisingly she did agree with most things, even though at the moment she's not completely sure what she wants.