OrangeK, I think most of us struggle with being alone. Especially after you started a life with someone else and had a partner by your side and suddenly you're just alone. It's miserable. Sure you can have hobbies and go out and do stuff but it's not the same as having your loved one next to you in bed everything and waking up to that person's smile each morning and talking about all of your thoughts and feelings without feeling judged because your spouse knows you better than anyone else on the planet. To lose your spouse is so devastating. You sound like you truly loved your wife and you valued your marriage. You are a good guy. It's really a shame this happened to you. It seems like any contact you have with your wife and any pictures you see of her trigger so many emotions that you can't predict. Perhaps a go-between person would help. I feel like that's what I'll have to do if I get divorced. I want my husband to disappear off the face of the earth if we divorce so I stop thinking about him. Perhaps as Joseph9 says you get to a point where you don't care but in the mean time there needs to be a strategy where you help yourself along. It's cruel and confusing when your wife sends friendly and bubbly messages one day and you see her driving past with OM the next day. I hope after the divorce you can find what works best for you and enjoy the freedom - once you're divorced you really can move on when you're ready and find someone new. You're young. That's still the best thing in your case. You still have a bright future ahead of you.
