Is It Too Late?

[WillD78]

AS: Thanks! This is a good 2x4 for me, for sure.

If you're expecting her to spill the beans on her "deceitful ways" to anyone, well you're going to be very disappointed. The best case scenario is she won't give any explanation at all, worst case is she'll heap all the blame on you. You were a bad H, you never paid attention, you never listened, etc. etc.

When I said "deceitful ways," I was referring to the charade she and I have put on the entire past year in front of most of our friends and all of our family. She knows the truth will come out, and I think she knows whose side our friends will take. She's already experiencing some of those repercussions from the handful of our friends who are in the know. Sure, I have been complicit in this phoniness, but I'm not the one leaving the family. I'm not the one who doesn't want to work on us. She knows it's not going to be fun for her. All of our closest friends are either my friends (and their wives) from before we were married or our neighbors. Perhaps I'm wrong, but if they feel like they have to choose sides -- and I won't make them choose sides -- then I'm fairly certain their loyalties will lay with me.

I don't disagree. But I will say when our anniversary came up a few months after BD (we were separated by then) I tried a slightly different approach, I told my XW "I know given our situation that exchanging gifts doesn't make sense, but it seems inappropriate to just ignore our anniversary too so how about we just go have a friendly dinner?" And we did and it was fine. I had zero expectations and of course it didn't change anything, but I did it for ME and I have no regrets. If I had done nothing then I would have felt guilty about it, but that's me. Do what you feel is best for you.

This is an interesting approach, and it appeals to me for obvious reasons (I'd get a date with my W), but I don't think the timing is right. Tomorrow is one year since BD. That's right, two days before our 11th wedding anniversary is when I got the ILYBINILWY speech. I tried in earnest to celebrate last year's anniversary and was burned. And that's when she "wasn't sure" what she wanted to do. Now she's preparing her apartment to leave. I don't see a single thing here worth celebrating. I think 18 holes and a couple of beers at a neighborhood BBQ will be perfect.

Off to happy hour with some colleagues! Onward and upward!