Can I really do this #5

[sandi2]

I have made GAL difficult as I have been holding on too tight. I am not interested in dating or going to bars, etc.

Whenever I give examples of GAL, I don't believe I have ever suggested anyone date or go to bars. If you don't know what to do, just go riding around. Treat yourself to something you enjoy eating. Look around at a bookstore, go to a museum, go rock climbing......whatever suits you. Just get out of house.

I will not be cold or mean but will treat her as the guest that she is in my home.

Hold up! She is not a guest in your home! If you treat her like a guest, she'll act as one. You'll never feel that you should go out without her. You would see that as being rude. When we have guest, we try to entertain them, make them feel comfortable, pay a lot of attention to them, serve them, put their desires first, etc. I suggest you think of her as a woman who is there for rent/board. It's a business arrangement. It puts a much different light on things from how you would treat a guest in your home.

So if she is not worried about her own health, I'm certain that either myself or our MR are not even on her radar at all. She has this ability (I wish I had it now) of being able to just shut out the world and nothing will penetrate her wall. She can go for months like that.

FWIW, I understand this type of situation much better than you may know. This may sound cold, and I don't mean it that way when I say that there are times you just need to walk away and let her butt with her own head. You must learn to turn lose of what you cannot control. This is her disease and she has to deal with it on her terms. You have to save yourself and your children, before you can take care of anyone else. If everyone stops catering to her and setting their daily activities by how she feels......and if they will start having a real life whether or not she's involved.....I think she'll wake up much faster. She has been able to go like this for months at a time, b/c you always picked up the slack. When she sleeps for days at a time, she knows good ole JS will take care of everything. In other words, she's "allowed" to shut out and shut down and tune out the world whenever she wants. Some people don't have that privilege. Do I think you've enabled her? Yes, b/c I know how easy it is when we have a loved one who is dealing with similar situations. I know how frustrating it can be when they won't do what they should, or try to help themselves, or are in denial or rebelling against their condition. I'm talking about adults, of course. I had to learn how to leave it with them at times, and take care of myself......lest we both go down.

Again, thank you Sandi for your input.

You are most welcome. I feel I have done a lot of repeating, so if you should see me slacking off at times, it's b/c I haven't anything new to say. I've spent less time on the board since this new updated version has come, b/c I have to use my desk computer, for one, and also I think I am getting just a slight burnout. However, I'm not done.