Clean Slate Pt. 1 (Advice on my Scenario Pt. 23)

[OrangeK]

The only way for her not to possess al the power in this dynamic is by you not giving it to her. That's not on anyone else but you.

I agree, the thing i struggle with is not being able to choose when she enters headspace, and not being able to push her out of headspace once she gets there, and the "being stuck in a cubicle" factor doesnt help."

trust me, I know enough about this stuff. My cousin is a psychiatrist. My mother was diagnosed with mental disorders I had to come to understand because dealing with her and understanding how to handle her and how she affected me so deeply , I had no choice. So I learned how to protect myself. From my own mother.

thats awful. I am sorry you had to deal with that. I wish EX had grown through her trauma like you had, rather than being crushed and defined by it.

IN the end, we take the knowledge of these diseases and take control. You cannot continue to play the emotional predator card. If you are educated, it is in your hands now how much she controls you. Not hers. All these scars she has left are in your hands to take care of now. Which should really be treated by a psychiatrist if you have been so deeply affected.

Working on it with IC. its a long road of recovery, as you know.
Just because i logically understand it, and know what i need to do, does not unfortuneatley mean i am free of the ability to be emotionally effected by it. the scars are healing, but still a bit deep and raw. ive got em salved and bandadged, and can function on a daily basis, but the wounds still hurt the the dressings come off. Know what i mean?

The drill sergeant here is saying you need to man up now and take your knowledge and make it power.

And you dig on me for being passive aggressive. I earned that Ginger, not offended at all
Ma'am Yes Ma'am. Ten-Hut!

I have been raising my daughter, divorced with a narcissist for 11 years now, since she was a baby. 6 months old. I know I had to learn how to raise her for the rest of our life together. it takes a lot of mental fortitude and learning. But the biggest thing was not letting him control me or blaming anything on him anymore. I am in control now.

I have thought a lot about how to go about this. I have a feeling it will get easier with time, it already has with the "amicability" messages last week. I just got stupid and allowed that convo to let me drop my guard.