DB / Detach, WAW... piecing

[Did]

I live in usa. My great grandparents came over through Ellis island. A couple generations have lived here. I’ve mentioned many times we’ve both dated. I had two short term relationships a while back.

My W and my connection was physical it’s my fault we didn’t have a deeper connection. She wanted more but it seems that was past tense. Our marriage fell apart and i am to blame for much of that. She wanted to grow together and had a growth mindset. I was focused on money and saving and not nearly the person I am today. If she was the girl I knew 2-3 years ago maybe things would work. But now she doesn’t want more kids she has anxiety we’ve both changed a lot. .

Yea I have issues to work on as does everyone. I already have IC scheduled for 8/29. I see another counselor for spiritual growth every two weeks. I’m pretty self aware. I had a lot of issues. I have some still for sure. I was depressed and denied it. I was always thinking of the future answers never living in the moment. I’ve worked on myself a lot.

W has said we were toxic for each other. I think you guys see it with my NGS. It comes out around her much more than anywhere else. That’s not her fault but mine. Not putting my head in the sand. There are definitely things I need to work on. The marriage is dead. If we were to build something it would be new. I wanted to repair the marriage but she shows 0 interest.

In regard to Sandis advice. I have been leaving her alone but I don’t ignore her. When wants to talk to D4. She wants to see her sometimes when I have her. So maybe I’m not DBing as best as I could.

It’s really sad to think of missing D4 but W doesn’t want to build that deeper connection and work on the marriage. She has said she doesn’t want to talk about anything. So... ?

If she could open up around me maybe it’d be different but she can’t or won’t. Both of us need IC in my opinion. I’ve done dozens of hours of therapy and still am. W has read 1 book and done counseling onlywhen I pushed.

I just feel like she would need to make such a drastic change to even build anything. We have gone on one date in the last 2 years. There has been 0 intimacy. So what am I doing? I wish I saw the woman I married and could show her the man I’m on my way to being today but it just isn’t happening. We’ll see how things play out by the end of September.