W and I are still havent spoken at all really . The odd message here and there over kids clothes and bits n bobs but no other communication in the past month. She doesnt even bring the kids to my door anymore . She just watches from the car and as soon as I open my door she drives off. I suppose there is not really anything to say.
I have asked the kids to please stop talking about OM to me. It made me angry last night when I was putting DD to bed she cried saying she wants W home and then she was telling me how funny he is and how he tickles her and other things about OM . S seems quite low at times . He cried when I dropped him off at W today. I told him to be strong. Be good and to look after his sister. He is so tolerant with DD as she seems to be acting up.
On a positive note my DD did learn how to pedal on her bike which was great but then I got a little low remembering how we were all together when my S first started riding.
My sleep is awful at the moment. I only got 2 hours last night and just feel drained today. My mood was really low last week and I did think about W most days. Debating wether I want her back but I still come back to not wanting her. I do miss her and it seems hard training my brain to not love her. Sometimes I just forget my sitch then it all comes back in a gargantuan wave of loss and anger hate and worry. Then I level out again . My wave of emotion seems to be down more than up recently.
I have started to put time back into my art projects again that I stalled on. I know its not really GAL but I am enjoying it even though it is quite solitary. I feel it may help with a new job role in the future as someone has asked me to put a portfolio together for him. Tbh I dont really have confidence in my work yet though.
So thats just me. I am still reading through other peoples posts . I just dont really have much to update .
Thanks for reading.
Me=32 W=29 R=12 yrs M=7 yrs BD 02/18/18 Dd=3 S=6 Other man confirmed 06/10/18
