So you had an EA, did you sleep with someone else? Or just emotional? I'm not sure if EA most "emotional" or "extramarital".
After this, you got married and had kids? And now she can't forgive you for it? Did she not forgive you before?
She could still resent you for it I suppose.
When she brings up divorce proceedings don't argue with her or beg her not to, that will just push her towards divorce.
Her affair is wrong, just as it was wrong when you did it. Don't validate her on this, tell the truth but don't get dragged into the same fight over and over. She knows it's wrong and maybe she feels justified because of what you did, but it's not justified. At some point someone has to decide to do the right thing. It's your time to do the right thing and lead by example.
Those words you asked about are very important, keep them in mind. "Believe nothing they say and only half of what they do". It means exactly what it says.
I had an emotional affair and yes we got married after but already had both our kids
