Can I really do this #5

[Dtrmned]

Thanks Sandi and I appreciate the time and effort you put into each and everyone of your posts.

I have made GAL difficult as I have been holding on too tight. I am not interested in dating or going to bars, etc. But I will diligently from this moment forward keep busy as much as possible. I will get the kids out on the weekends. I will make sure I am there for my kids always, but will also make time for myself outside of the home to be sure I am working on me. I also will not cater to my W any longer. I will not be cold or mean but will treat her as the guest that she is in my home. I will listen and validate when/if she talks. I will notice any changes but will not hang on her every word, sentence or action as some indication of how she is leaning. This will be a long process and it has only just begun.

I've already done the new clothes, cologne thing. I lost 30+lbs and about 4 inches on the waist so nothing fit anymore. That did cause her to look and that is also when she accused me of seeing someone. I'm still working out everyday, sometimes twice and am in decent shape. I weigh less now than when we got married so that is great for my health. I eat better. Rarely drink any longer and sleep fairly decently now. I have more energy than I used to and I need to focus that energy on my kids, myself and my career instead of my W.

So yes. I think db'ing is working and I do believe that reading through all of my past posts and comments from you and others that I am the one prolonging this agony. My choices to make myself feel better and perhaps more connected still with my W by doing things for her and spending time with her are my own choices and therefore my fault.

My W is very challenged in many ways. I don't know if she will ever have the opportunity to get out of her fog. Her health issues are increasing presently and she is in deep denial about this. There have been 3 days in the last week that she has slept for almost 18-19 hours per day. Her skin is paler, glossy and more translucent than it used to be. I did ask her this morning if I should have some concern and she just shrugged it off and said it would go away and be ok eventually. So if she is not worried about her own health, I'm certain that either myself or our MR are not even on her radar at all. She has this ability (I wish I had it now) of being able to just shut out the world and nothing will penetrate her wall. She can go for months like that.

I am still having some concerns about the big conversations that have to happen that might turn into an R or even a D conversation. Health insurance is one. Has to be done in the next few days. Where we are going to live is another. Lease is up early 2019 and it will be here before you know it. How do I broach that subject:
Hypothetical
Me: "What are our options when the lease is up?"

W: "I have no idea on what I am doing at this moment."

Me: "Well, we need to have some idea on what we are doing just for the kids."

W: could go either "I don't know let me think about it." or "What are our options?" to "There is no "we" we are done."

No sky is falling stuff, if we owned the home it wouldn't be an issue, but since we presently don't, plans need to be in place and can't wait until the last minute.

I have struggled these past few weeks on whether this was even possible or not. I love my W. I love my family. I know I will be good with my kids eventually. I just hate that they are in the middle and my W just sits there day after day not doing anything about anything.

Again, thank you Sandi for your input. I do value every response on here. I know what I have to do and as you have said Actions speak louder than words. I will update soon on how the updated direction is going.