Can I really do this #5

[sandi2]

When I think of dropping the rope, my mind goes back to that old game of "tug of war" where two teams are pulling on a rope. The object is for one team to pull the other team over the center line. I've seen the "line" as being a mud puddle..... or other various things. They will pull with all their strength for what seems to be hours. I can't remember if this goes against any rules of tug of war, but it is funny to watch........when one team just drops the rope and their opponents go crashing over the line. The shock value makes it all worth while.

So in my mind, I see the LBH using actions that show he has emotionally dropped the rope he has clinged to for so long. That rope that is tied around his W. You know the one I mean. The same rope that will eventually hang you, if you can't drop it. JS, your problem is trying to wait around until you don't care about her. That doesn't work well, b/c I doubt you will ever get to the place you don't "care". I think you refer to being human quite often. To me, that means you care. So, dropping the rope is not an issue of your feelings. It is about action. You have to leave your emotions out of it.......if you do it successfully.

When the H suddenly stops showing interest in his W's actions (or the lack thereof), and just goes on as if she was not around......I promise it gets her undivided attention. He makes plans for himself without considering her. He GAL like there's no tomorrow, takes his kids for fun weekends, spends time with his guy friends, and anything else he wants to do. He just drops that rope that was tied to the W, where he is constantly considering her feelings and actions. He takes his focus completely away from her and places it on his kids and himself.

Here's the thing. When she notices that he is not sitting around waiting on her, her minds starts wondering about him. What has changed? Has he found someone else? What is he doing when he's not home? Why is wearing a different cologne? Why does he seem happy? Why doesn't he ask me how I feel or what I want? Now, that's just the natural thinking of most women, b/c we are curious. I'm not suggesting you try to make her think you are involved with someone else. When a woman (who is in this frame of mind) sees herself as being the one who is leaving her H....... I don't think she really sees herself as losing him. She sees him as losing her. Do you follow what I am saying? When she suddenly sees her H acting differently, and sees him moving on without her in his everyday life.......it hits her that she is the one losing him. Remember her asking if you were seeing anyone? If she wasn't curious, she wouldn't have asked. However, her attraction needs to be jump-started, and you have the power to do it. If you feel like a doormat, it's b/c you are acting like one. I simply don't understand why some LBH's think that DBing is acting the role of doormat. Take back your power. It will have the affect on her the same as those who were in the tug of war and fell over the line when the rope was dropped. The everyday stuff is just as effective than something like not adding her to your health insurance. I guess I find it odd that you can take action about the health insurance without seeming worried about her reaction, but you can't find it in yourself to do the lesser things that have been suggested.

You say you are "working on GAL". What does that mean? What's to work on? Just get out of the house and do some something you enjoy for a couple of hours.

At the end of the day, you have to do what works. If you see it works, continue doing it. If it doesn't work, then try something else. Patience is needed, I agree. However, I don't think it has one thing to do with acting like a doormat. I think your particular problem is that you feel like a doormat b/c she is eating cake. So, stop serving it. She's going to have some cake as long as she lives under your roof, but you don't have to wait hand & foot to serve it.