Well, hyperventilating was an unconscious reaction. My entire reaction was not controllable. I've never been so hurt by someone in my life. And he was the person I trusted most in the world. I don't think it was unreasonable considering the fact that until about 11 days before I thought I was in happy marriage and that I would grow old with this man. We literally went away for weekend two days before this happened.

Now, several weeks later, I'm more used to the idea of him being someone completely different than he used to be. It's like a death, frankly.

I know I need to figure out how to GAL. I need to find some source of joy, even if it takes a long time to get there or figure out what it is. I need to find people/friends/a tribe somehow. I need to find moments of peace-- so far I've only found that in a few really good yoga classes and with the acupuncture (highly recommend, by the way). One foot in front of the other...

My biggest focus at the moment is figuring out how to get more than 3-4 hours of sleep at night. This insomnia is killing me-- it makes functioning even harder.

And I will withdraw and stay away from him at all costs. No communication except what is absolutely necessary.

Anyway, thanks to you all for your messages and support. I really appreciate it. I'll keep you all posted.