Cadet, thanks very much for the welcome and all the helpful links. I appreciate it.
Steve85, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your very thoughtful reply and for your advice. I can't tell you how much I needed that. I want to follow Michele's principles, but sometimes I just don't know what the right thing to do is.
I do recognize that I can be controlling and I've been trying to stop (I'm getting there). I've been "driving the car" for 13 years and I never intended to, but that's just the dynamic that ended up playing out for us. I'm the one who figures everything out about our lives-- every appliance we've ever bought, I researched and purchased. Every home improvement project, every trades person we've ever hired, every vacation, every nice dinner out, every move, every yard project... I've researched and managed it all. I'm tired of it.
I am going to meet with a lawyer as soon as I can just to get info about a legal separation. I am reliant on the H's income for groceries, etc and he has continued to fund the account I use (out of guilt, I'm sure). But if I do anything to make him too mad (like changing locks), I'm afraid he'll stop, so I need to know what sort of legal parameters can be set up to protect myself. I have no intention of moving forward with D at this time, but I would like things stipulated clearly.
I am thinking of putting all his clothes and shoes into bags so the next time he comes to pick up mail, he can take them back to his "new place". Do you think that's appropriate? I feel like it isn't right for him to have one foot in this door and one foot in hers. If he wants to be there, he should be there completely.
I see your situation is fairly fresh, also. I'm sorry for you too and I wish you the very best in turning things around. Thanks so much again, Steve85.
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M(46), H(48) (no kids) M-10, T-13 Bomb Drop - July 10, 2018
