I'm nearing the end of a contract. I feel very proud of what I've achieved.
This is a big deal for me on a few different levels. Financially, July/August are a bit dead for the kind of freelance work I do, so it's good to have a chunk of income at this time of year to see me over from the summer into the autumn.
As far as my CV goes, it's been very, very positive. It's a bit different from my previous freelance work I've done, so it's definitely adding something to my CV. There are prospects for moving up the ladder as well.
I've been invited back for next year.
It's turned out to be everything I wanted and hoped, and then some.
September I'm going to focus on my fitness again (I've not really had any time for running/gym this past month as I've been doing two different jobs, and working in two different cities), a little of my own work.
And I'm planning some weekend trips with my wonderful man. I'll go and stay at his house for a bit as well. I've noticed that he expresses his love through acts of kindness. So I would like to think of some things I can do for him over the next few months, some small and some bigger.
We talked a little about our previous Ms last time we met (Sunday past, when we went for a lovely walk and a drink in a very nice pub). He said that with hindsight, his M should have maybe only lasted a few years, instead of the 15 it did.
He felt that he put a lot of feeling, love and effort in, and that it wasn't returned. I think I've worked out what he found attractive about his XW: lots of energy, intelligence and ambition. On the downside, it sounds like a lot of her ambition was to do with social betterment and appearances. And that those desires/expectations spread outwards to him and their children.
He's also driven and ambitious, although I'd say they are much more private in nature and manifestation and much less focused on the exterior trappings of success. He's really very much about leaving people to make their own minds up, supporting other people in whatever decision they make and that's the deal. It feels like it's the way he is in his core, and that it's been reinforced by the whole D process and the learning to co-parent.
He also said that looking back, he felt like he took a place on the sidelines to her ambition and career, and ended up forgetting about himself. This was a mistake I made as well, and I said as much.
I didn't say this, but at the moment I'm thinking that I never really should have got M to my XH. Thinking back, I have a feeling it was more my idea than my XH's. I think he was pretty silent on the whole idea, and maybe found it easier just to go along with it all, rather than actually say how he felt. And then before long, we were M, and in the blink of an eye several years had gone by...
So I think my lesson has been very much to see where the boundary between myself and other people is, and just concentrate on looking inwards and governing myself, instead of trying to sort things out for other people thinking it might sort things out for myself. Sure, make suggestions, but then leave it at that. Just see how other people respond to those suggestions, and if they don't take it up, don't pursue. But focus on myself and govern myself, those are the main lessons (for now at least).
His grown up children are taking us out in late November. We're going to an international rugby match, and then they're taking us out to dinner.
I'm pretty much bowled over by this. It feels lovely to be so welcomed by them. Neither of them are earning very much either, one has only just left school and is working in hospitality, and the other has only just finished his degree and is doing some temporary admin work.
So, all in all, it's good. On the surface nothing much has changed over the past year/six months, but at the same time everything is completely different. I don't know if I would recognise myself if I met myself from even 2 years ago.
