I hear you buddy. But that is the anguish speaking from you. This is without a doubt a marathon, not a sprint. It will likely be months if not years before your situation turns around.
And one more thing. I hope you do not take this the wrong way. But the cold, hard reality is, that your M is over. As in gone the way of the dodo. You do have to accept this fact. That does not mean that reconciliation is not possible, but that would be a whole new relationship.
Now it is vital to relearn to be by yourself (well, not really, you do hove 4 kids). You have to learn to become self sufficient, not relying on your W for anything. With this self sufficiency comes self confidence. You will be fine even if your marriage is not restored. You will thrive even if you are just you with the kids. You will discover new superpowers within yourself (and I am not kidding here). You get to be super dad, the best dad in the universe. Prepare to amaze yourself. But you do kinda have to get your a$$ in gear.
