It's concerning that you are admitting that your marriage sucked the majority of the time but yet you still miss it. You are basically acknowledging that you don't deserve better.
I understand you were together for a long time but you are about 8 months out you should be pretty detachment by now.
What does Holding want to do with the rest of his life? You need to start doing some serious self care and fall in love with yourself.
Are you exercises get your mind, body and soul everyday?
