Terapin, are you seeing an IC? I don't recall seeing that you were, and if not, I think it might be a good idea. Anger, frustration, sadness and everything else that goes along with it is natural during such a stressful situation. Going to an IC can help you in the short term and you probably have your own issues to work on a bit as well in the long term. Your impatience, aggressiveness and temper shine through in your posts, and they seem to be big parts of your personality - perhaps just exacerbated by your sitch, or perhaps there already, I don't know. Either way, you would do well, as would your son and W, eventual recon or not, to get a handle on these aspects of yourself.

Also, stop worrying about what friends and family think of the sitch. In your anger at your W you are latching on to anything that will validate that anger.

As Steve says, forget the OM. The real issues are the ones between you and your W and each of your own individual issues.

M: 40 W: 37
T: 20 MR: 13
S13, S9, S4
BD: 1/29/18
Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out)
8/24/18 I come home, she moves out

If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.