BS alert.... I never called YOU lazy and I'm sorry you took it that way. If you re-read the sentence I'm calling "the position" which you seem to be advocating as lazy. Big difference. Example, I might be a very hard working, righteous person who won the lottery but it would be wrong for me to tell people to stop working because they might win the lottery. I'm saying that people should work harder because it's highly unlikely that they will win the lottery. See the difference yet. This was not an attack on you.
Your post really sounded like you were telling us to "have faith" and be hopeful that there's a great life outside your current marriage". Am I wrong? By stating this you aren't exactly advocating that people do the hard work of looking inwards and really work on themselves and their relationships, thus exhausting every possibility before calling it quits. Yes, the split would also be hard. I still assert that you're blessed in your relationship and I never made any assumption about anything else in your life.
Take a deep breath.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
I'm curious... why do you think that finding a HD/HD match is as rare as winning the lottery? Both Lucy and Cathy seem to have found partners who are HD after leaving their LDHs. I (also formerly a HDW) have as well.
It looks like all 3 of us won the "lottery". Do you think that HD women are in a better position (excuse the pun) to find a HD partner than HD men? Or perhaps finding a HD/HD match isn't all that uncommon...
I'm fearful to comment on this because most of the HD women here are (hopefully) looking inside themselves and trying to save their marriages and shouldn't be dreaming of a better life with someone else (yet). The idea of "hope" existing elsewhere is toxic for most people on this site.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Lucy, You didn't seem to have any trouble in attacking my opinion on promiscuity and letting me have it, so what do you care what ATLDave says about your choice to divorce and pursue a better life?
For the record, I don't consider you to have been promiscuous. It sounds like you had a good number of partners and that you "sowed your wild oats" more than anything else. I guess what I was talking about was girls who have had hundreds of partners and have sex not because they want to, but because they feel they HAVE to. There is a huge difference!
Also, if you have read any of my posts you will know that I am an HD woman and have been like that as far back as I can remember. So it is certainly not necessary to act as if I am coming down hard on HD women and that anyone who has enjoyed sex throughout their teens was promiscuous. Actually, I would say that it is not even about numbers but about what was going on in that person's head at the time they were making the choice to have sex.
Anyway, I fully realize that HD women exist and that they scare the bejesus out of some men and that having lots of sex during your teens does not make you promiscuous or a horrible person. I'm not sure where you picked up that attitude in my post but that is not what I meant!
Lucy, I for one thank you for your post. I don't think I would be doing my relationship any favors if the reason I commit to working at it is fear of the unknown. If I decide to stick with it, I need to acknowledge rationally the sacrifices I might need to make. It's like when you invest in a business, you have to know the value of lost opportunities in order to make responsible decisions.
I hope you keep posting and let us know how things proceed in a HD/HD relationship. Congratulations!
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
We all need to find our own unique path to happiness.