Clean Slate Pt. 1 (Advice on my Scenario Pt. 23)

[OrangeK]

Good to see life is turning a new leaf for you. I would say that never let your guard down in a healthy way for yourself - as in be as neutral as possible and have a healthy mindset of skepticism, but not let it go over into paranoia or becoming neurotic.

Paranoia is where i was living. Didnt do any good.

I am not sure if I got the give your W 'benefit of the doubt' advice kinda vibe here. I think what most people were suggesting is that instead of going straight to the negative reasons why she might say or do something, just stay neutral and take it at face value.

Ok that's fair. Only issue i have with that is I said several times, in several different ways she is a compulsive liar, its a damn shame, but i cannot take anything she says at face value.
Unfortunately due to her choices, lies and manipulations, she will need to work for YEARS to rid herself of the "Guilty until proven innocent" label in my head.
On the other side of that coin, I also need to not have a knee jerk reaction to everything she says and read 1000 pages too deep into it. Just respond if needed, dont if not, and move on with my day.

Not saying she's turned around for the positive either - that takes consistent action over time and you'll know it if it actually happens.

Not holding my breath. She will keep up the "BubblyNice Lady" act for as long as she feels it suits her, if she percieves any insult (real or imagined) it will be back to business as usual, silence and scorn.
Self-Reflection and changing for the better are not part of her SOP's. It's an intrinsic trait of NPD. Nothing is ever their fault, and no guilt, or remorse will ever exist. Anyone doing anything that doesnt directly improve their life is scum.

I'd say that staying neutral is probably the best way to be about it - don't assign it a good or bad meaning. It will help you keep your sanity.

I just try to think of her as a poorly functioning Android/Replicant at this point.
desperately trying to replicate Human thoughts and emotions and failing at it, awkwardly.
She is pre-programmed by her disorder to act and think the way she does, at the end of the day its sad and pitiable, and really not entirely her fault.

I am reminded of a line from one of my Sons favorite books, A detective, and the King that hired him are looking for The Kings Lost Elephant, and were following a trail of tear drops, only to find out they were crocodile tears and they are on the wrong path.
They come across the crocodile, who almost eats them as they followed the path of tears almost right into the crocodiles mouth, but the detective puts his umbrella in the crocodiles mouth and pushes The Crocodile into the river,
The Crocodile says: "I am So Sorry!" *and a big tear rolled out of the crocodiles eye*
The King says: "Look, he is crying, that means he is Sorry"
Big Max replies: "A crocodiles tears can fool you, he is not crying because he feels bad, he is crying because he did not get to eat us for dinner"
"DONT REMIND ME!!!" said the Crocodile, and he cried some more.