Quote: Don't get me wrong about your lifestyle, I would love it if my W were into it. But I think we are all trying to exhaust every last possibility before we do something that drastic and lazy.
Drastic and lazy??? Listen here, AtlDAve - you don't even know me, you know nothing about my situation other than what you may have read here. Who are you to pass such judgement?
My decision was made with years of anguish, counseling, and emotional pain. It has definately not made my life easier in terms of logistics, now being a single parent with a very demanding job. The drastic part of life is simply living it. Making decisions to give yourself possible happiness is extremely difficult. And no one in my life, except my mother when I was a child and didn't do the dinner dishes, ever called me lazy. I've accomplished incredible things in my life, including founding and running two successful companies.
Until you know more about another person, Dave, you should be careful with making such judgemental statements.... you don't have a clue, nor a right to say such things.
I continue to read the postings on this board and sometimes post myself - particularly in this forum - even though my marriage is no longer viable, because I feel that an infusion of hope, of joy, of potential happiness in life needs to be said here sometimes.
I am completely aware that I am lucky - blessed - by the relationship that I am in now. We are in harmony in all aspects of our life, and it gives me the freedom to be absolutely me.
I am not writing things to make you jealous, nor to tell you to leave your marriage. I am saying that there is potential in life, in yours, your spouses, your children, everyones.... that there is so much out there to experience and explore, on your own or with your partner. If you want to have a joyful, fulfilling sex life, then immerse yourself in the positive aspects of sex and lovemaking!! Read, educate yourself, share your thoughts, feelings, and emotions with your partner! If you want openness and good communications, begin by being open and communicating well!! In another area of this forum, I gave a list of books and also of websites on sexuality and positive relationships - look it up (do a search for ms_lucy). Rather than reflecting on what is wrong, accentuate on what is right, and build on that. Certainly, Michelle's SSM book is good and has some solid advice - but it is not the end-all-be-all.
And finally, if after 'leaving no stone unturned', you conclude that your current relationship will never hold for you the harmony, closeness, sexuality, companionship, or other qualities that you've determined are important and necessary for you to live your life going forward, then take the steps into the bold, new, frightening world of being alone. To me, my decision was made when I knew I would be happier alone than with my partner.
And live your life with hope, and joy, and PASSION in all aspects.... you never know who you will meet, and where you can go. Just be open and aware - of yourself, of others, and of the possibilites that your path in life offers.
