I think Laura has a great point that we change based upon our partner. I'm HD and love the entire "mind" aspect of sexuality and could see myself having a great time with an HD woman as long as other key components were solidly in place first like love, attraction and general compatibility.
I used to date an HD girl who had a compulsion to shop excessively and once I saw that she was "not in total control of herself", her sexuality seemed more "genetic" too...like it was more of a "need for her" than an "expression of love". I then started to feel like a living vibrator. The sex got mechanical despite the variety (and I mean variety). I probably seemed LD after a while because I became "pursued" and didn't really like being with her because her behavior in bed was a reflection of how she lived her life in an undesirable fashion. So here she is in a relationship with someone she feels very compatible with (me), who then appears to do a "bait and switch" and really isn't into the sex anymore. It's probably pretty tough to find total compatibility.
It think it's better to strive towards a lifestyle with a partner you really love and are compatible with. We immediately assume that they are just LD and won't change but I'm seeing a difference in my LDW. It's little things, but if I plotted them on a piece of graph paper, then I could see us having some really wild, great, experimental sex in about 2 years...maybe even revisiting some things that we "chickened out" of before.
Like an HDW, my W is very uninhibited but she simply doesn't feel like doing it as much and she doesn't have a very strong sense of adventure right now. But the differentiation process (read Passionate Marriage) I'm going through seems to be giving me a "voice" that she pays attention to and I no longer would have trouble asking for her to do things that I would enjoy. She seems to be more receptive to my requests because she finally sees them as my desires and not my needs. She also sees my sexuality as being based upon love and integrity rather than a seething neediness and this is helping her relax and enjoy it more. Don't get me wrong though...sex based on "love and integrity" has nothing to do with how it's expressed. This was the first big mistake I made when we got married. I thought that sex should be "loving" which in my mind translated to having the act appear "nice and peaceful" when in reality (PM goes into this), "loving" in our relationship meant that I should send the headboard through the wall. This is all changing now. Part of us seems to be embracing the life we had in the early years while another part of us seem to be growing to a new level of loving. PM is a must read for everyone here. Especially folks older than 35.
My point is that if you both strive for differentiation, then it shouldn't be too difficult to have a very creative and exciting sex life. Of course, the process of differentiation is easier said than done.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
