the irrational in W...just keeps coming and coming. i don't even think co-parenting is going to be possible. she likely won't even see me when it's for events in D's life. the level of dysfunction just has me shaking my head. i continue to have high confidence but only with circumstantial evidence there's an OM. it is easy to imagine W being in a PA given her current attitude, but very hard to imagine W being in a PA from as her H. trying to block the thoughts/images from my mind and stop my mind from going down pointless dark holes like that. sadder issue really is that IF W is then I don't think she would ever come back around to me and honestly I don't know if we'd ever be able to do the work of R to get back.
i should be happier as I'll be seeing D here again in another few days, but the just terrible sitch with W has me really down. i know the dysfunction she throws at me, i know I can't do anything about it and i also struggle mightily against myself when I start to think that this breakdown/breakup is entirely my fault. just have to continue to move forward day after day, not look too far forward and get through. like that one sermon I like "if the boat ceases to exist, grab a piece of what you've got left and hold on until you get to where you are trying to go". hope the others of you aren't hurting like I am today. wishing you all my prayers, grace, strength, patience and peace.
