Part of being easier to move-on is to understand what has happened. The truth has been coming out bit by bit, the picture becomes clearer and I can stop blaming myself so much as a result. I still have moments when I'm absolutely heartbroken and feel it's better to get that out of my system in private rather than bottle it up.
I have started doing some work again, back to my hobbies a bit, walking a lot, now having great days out with the kids, now taking action with L to issue a proper childcare plan to W, have got back in touch with an old friend for a better social life, this week I'm starting with a new counselling service etc. Councillors, psychologist etc. all say how calm I am and doing the right things. DB takes an awful lot of self-control, it's exhausting but gets easier.
I know DB hasn't changed her mind, I have noticed that W has moved her boundaries from refusing to ever come back to the house to coming in for an hour or more at a time, from not sitting at the same table in public to sitting next to me on a bed, from not allowing both kids to stay overnight at the same time to allowing me to have them for 2 weeks holiday, from never giving me compliments to giving lots, from not letting me in her car to offering me lifts, and now stops herself from interrupting me when I speak. They are only observations of consistent changes by W nothing more. W still lies all of the time and is devious (which she never used to be for 23 years, until 2 years before leaving). There's no chance of her returning when she's in that mindset so I have to get on with my own thing as best I can.
