A familiar story with questions. VI

[RR17]

Okay, gang, it's been nearly a month but I figured it's time to check in.

Limbo is still in place but with modifications. We still make time to watch movies together a couple times a week. I pick out the movie and for the most part, the time is held sacred. Meaning it is intentional and interruptions are limited. I usually cook. Like I often did when we were dating. But no expectations.
No intimacy. No R talks until today.

This morning. after a couple months of no sex and recent positive vibes, I decided to try initiating. I changed my approach and prepared myself for rejection. And rejection is what I got. But it was different. She took the opportunity to start the R talk. I listened. Only interrupting to seek clarity. W talks in vague abstracts that she assumes that the listener just has to understand what she means. Like assembling a puzzle with missing pieces.
At one point she explained how her life had changed and that she felt that mine had remained the same. With a light-hearted wit I explained all the things that had been taken from me and low and behold, she listened without simply dismissing or looking for a slight inaccuracy to discredit my statements. I felt heard.
W also explained how her life had not turned out like she planned and how she was aware that other people had it a whole lot worse. She referenced a story about D19s classmate that recently died of cancer. Sensing that W felt guilty for her feelings. I got off track and suggested that we have to practice gratitude. And how it didn't always come organically and why it was called practice. I know, I know. Old, problem-solving habits die hard. Anyway..
I did get a little preachy when I pointed out how some of the dynamics in our M/R had improved, like the detachment and gained autonomy in both of us. No I didn't divulge any DB secretes. And W agreed.
I have often felt that W assumed that my lack of trust in her was some sort of hold-back that I was harboring, a weapon of sorts to use against her when I needed. In an ongoing effort to explain that this trust-deficiency was not by choice but because W hadn't done the work to restore it. I reminded her of a recent time when she said she was at Bible Study with her women's group. Well, when she got home and said hi, I realized that she wasn't wearing a bra. Fancy that? If I know anything about this woman it is that she doesn't go out in public braless.
Well, without fully engaging my suspicious mind, I decided to dig a bit before defaulting to my imagination. I didn't just approach the obvious question, I guess for fear of starting a defensive fight or some lie. But, with some minor digging, I learned that that night's meeting was more of a social one and they went swimming at one of the girl's pools and she must have changed back into the clothes she wore over her one piece suit on the way there. A story I later confirmed with some snooping. I found out that at least some of these ladies were baptized, but W never mentioned.
Well, I explained this example to W during our R talk today. I explained it from my perspective and how it could easily and reasonably cause suspicion that I had to overcome in spite of my feelings.
Low and behold, she apologized without hesitation. This is huge. She could have very well dismissed or belittled the whole story. She did not.

W acknowledged enjoying these movies together. I don't dare call them a date. lol

Later I thanked her for feeling heard. She said the same. This is also an unusual and different reaction.

I sometimes feel like I have allowed things to slip into some dissatisfying New-Normal. I usually find a way to gain more space when this happens. If you've followed my threads you will know that I am adamant about a proper reconciliation as defined here in this group. I have not changed on this point.

Anyway, that is where things are. I welcome any questions or feedback. You guys, even the ones that no longer reply to my threads, have all been a big part of my journey, and for that I thank you.