David is English a second language for you? Sorry but sometimes I find it hard to understand what you are trying to say. So you thought you were getting the kids for two weeks including overnights and now W is saying just during the day?
You really need to set up a schedule that is fair for both of you. This letting her dictate the terms of you seeing the children is going to get old fast. Set a boundry and stick to it.
Did you set up a consultation with an Attorney yet?
Did you get GAL yesterday? What did you do?
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
Without trying to hijack this thread (and because I couldn’t find the original post by Sandi) I just wanted to chime in on this point as it really does resonate with me and is partly explaining what is going on with my sitch. When I met my W I ‘outranked’ her and have done throughout our R. But not in a bad way. I earn more, am better with the finances, more decisive, less stressed, more in control etc. When kids came I supported W in her successful career by watching kids as well as running house and running business, earning more than her etc while she travelled a lot and had her social life. So I was kind of a SAHD but also running a very successful business. And she still lost respect for me. I cannot see what more I could have done. I think it is a MLC with depression which has pulled our family apart.
I will give my opinion about something I see happening in many M's today. Take it FWIW. I believe it is the nature of most women to be attracted to a man who out ranks her (in some way) to some degree. I also believe there are some women who are attracted to a man who she would feel was her equal.... It is a woman's nature to find a mate that is capable of protecting & providing for her and her offspring. What does this have to do with a SAHD? It's all in how she sees him.....When the man doesn't work and he becomes the homemaker and raises the children...….the natural dynamics change and the woman loses admiration and attraction for him.
Sandi is Wise. She is the only one STILL posting here out of all the support people I had when I was going through my divorce (around2009).
Michele talks about doing 180's. Nice guys need to learn to be more assertive. The "Bad boys" need to learn to be more caring. Start adding behaviours of the "Bad boys" that woman find attractive. I can elaborate if needed.
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
[quote=sandi2]I will give my opinion about something I see happening in many M's today. Take it FWIW. I believe it is the nature of most women to be attracted to a man who out ranks her (in some way) to some degree. I also believe there are some women who are attracted to a man who she would feel was her equal.... It is a woman's nature to find a mate that is capable of protecting & providing for her and her offspring. What does this have to do with a SAHD? It's all in how she sees him.....When the man doesn't work and he becomes the homemaker and raises the children...….the natural dynamics change and the woman loses admiration and attraction for him.
So you thought you were getting the kids for two weeks including overnights and now W is saying just during the day?
Yes. I'm to take the kids on holiday for 2 weeks... and yet W later claimed she didn't realise it would include overnights. Crazy isn't it. W is now suggesting where I should go with the kids for a couple of nights. I have the kids today and W has even said where I should take them for a meal. I've said to W that I will listen to her input but that she will need to learn to let go and be less controlling. W smirked a big grin.
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You really need to set up a schedule that is fair for both of you. This letting her dictate the terms of you seeing the children is going to get old fast. Set a boundry and stick to it. Did you set up a consultation with an Attorney yet?
Yes, and my L is putting a childcare plan offer to W early next week.
W is telling lies constantly about everything, I'm so tried of it. How do I deal with someone who lies so much and I have to see her due to the kids for the next decade or more?
How do you deal with other liars you have to interact with occasionally?
Look, when you really get fed up...….you'll stop putting up with it. You'll stop letting it rule your life. You'll stop giving her so much room in your head.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I had a great day out with the kids today. We didn't do anything that W had suggested. Eldest kid says they feel pressurised by W into saying they don't want to stay overnight with me. Youngest doesn't care at all what W says about it and tells W they want to stay.
W came to collect the kids and entered the house. Kids were ready to leave but W then spent quite a while looking through the kids clothes. W sat next to me on one of the kids beds. She was entering my personal space zone. I didn't react.
The kids asked if they could stay overnight with me. W said only the youngest could. W then agreed both kids could stay. W then asked to speak to eldest on her own to talk about it and said "You can trust me" I couldn't help but let out a little laugh and I said we should talk to the kids together at which point W said she wouldn't let eldest stay... but then W said they could both stay Sunday (which is probably when she has plans). I said not Sunday as I have plans.
It seems that W has now accepted that I will have the kids for 2 weeks staying overnight. W has offered to come to the house on the first night to help the kids pack. I didn't respond.
Kids and her are due to go to something tomorrow. W said not tomorrow but we could go to other things together. I didn't respond.
W was in the house for about an hour. I was going to walk to a local shop and W asked if I wanted a lift in the car as she was also going to the shop. Afterwards, W offered to drive me back home but I declined and walked back.
I think W has been following some sort of detach guide. Therefore, is it a good thing for DB that I will have the kids on my own for 2 weeks or will it just help W detach even more?
I think W has been following some sort of detach guide. Therefore, is it a good thing for DB that I will have the kids on my own for 2 weeks or will it just help W detach even more?
Yes it will. It will help you both detach and move on with your lives finally. You are obviously not a healthy couple. No healthy couple would steal money from each other.
Your are not trying to DB.. you are trying to get her out your life as she is stealing your money.
If your wife truly loved you she wouldnt treat you the way you describe.
A poster above asked if english your first language but you didn't answer.. is it english?
Just seems you tell us what a selfish person your wife is and then ask for advice like this.. im assuming because you are translating it wrong you dont understand what we are saying.
"No healthy couple would steal money from each other."
I've never done that. W is doing so in prep for D.
I didn't know at the time but 2 years ago W helped her parents to buy a house and that is the house W has moved into. I now know for a fact that the plan was to keep that house for only 2 years. W eventually told me of the money tied in that house and that it would be sold to help pay for a bigger house for us, so we started looking for a bigger house.
W has been under a lot of pressure with exam failures, work changes etc. and she's now gone to an easy life being looked after by her parents where they do everything at home for her and she has no responsibilites. They even look after the kids for her. It's an easy option and has probably been on her mind for ages.
"No healthy couple would steal money from each other."
I've never done that. W is doing so in prep for D.
I didn't know at the time but 2 years ago W helped her parents to buy a house and that is the house W has moved into. I now know for a fact that the plan was to keep that house for only 2 years. W eventually told me of the money tied in that house and that it would be sold to help pay for a bigger house for us, so we started looking for a bigger house.
W has been under a lot of pressure with exam failures, work changes etc. and she's now gone to an easy life being looked after by her parents where they do everything at home for her and she has no responsibilites. They even look after the kids for her. It's an easy option and has probably been on her mind for ages.
Part of me thinks your not fully present in your mind. You have all these reasons why she did this.. and why she did that.. and what she might do.. etc..
When its clear she wants another life without you in it. Why cant you accept that and move.on?
This is the 3rd time you have been asked this and we still dont have an answer... is english your first language?
When you post moving forward dont mention your wife and talk about you and what you are doing because there are alot of people noticing the same patterns going round and round and round here.
You keep mentioning how good you now look and how people tell you compliments - if so, why are we still talking wife and same things?
Start D proceedings and tell us about you without mentioning her.
