Last Resort Technique: 1. Stop Pursuit - if you have to ask "is this pursuit?" then the answer is yes and don't do it. 2. GAL - get a life, seriously do it. 3. Wait and see what happens - take stock of what works and what doesn't. The small consistent changes will matter most.
Your W is acting like a different person b/c she is a different person. You broke the trust? W. T. F. She was cheating. She just wants to turn it on your so that it's not her fault. You're the bad guy, she's victim. Boohoo poor me. Piss off cheater (don't actually say this, but it's OK to think it). Do not soften the truth for her, she did what she did and she knows it. If you soften, she will take advantage and turn it on you.
If she is wanting a "break" from the marriage, she doesn't get to keep your support and money as part of it. Seriously, talk to a lawyer and PROTECT yourself. You buying a pushover and giving her financial support where it's not legally required will hurt you. You won't "nice her" back to the marriage. If you give her everything she wants, let her walk all over you, and let her "have her cake and eat it too" she will never change.
I wouldn't go dark yet.
Get tested, your sleeping with her and she is sleeping with other people. I wouldn't continue to do kiss her, have sex, or tell her you love her while she is involved with OM. You need proof - real, solid proof + action to back it up before you believe it's over and you want to get back with her. She will try to half-ass this, but you have to draw the line. The line can't be moved either, or you'll appear weak and she will stomp your guts and walk all over you.
Lastly, you are NOT a destroyed H. You are a strong man, with many desirable qualities. The biggest one I see so far is guts. You have the guts to work on this and fix it. Remember that, and use that as your strength when you feel weak. Work on you, get better, and find those strong qualities inside of you that attracted your W and other women in the first place.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
