I did talk to a DB coach on a call months ago who said if you cant be her friend first youll never get to be her husband. Trying to play that fine line....
In some situations where the H was mean to his W, I might agree. However, I have to respectfully disagree when it comes to a woman who just breaks up her family for selfish reasons. Your W has lost sexual desire for you, and playing buddy-buddy will not cause her to feel desire. Why? B/c a WW "uses" the so-called friendship to her advantage. And I mean she uses her H for everything but a sexual partner and respected spouse. If he tries to back away, she'll throw up the friendship thing in his face. It's all a form of manipulation.
She's selfish, so she has to experience not having you available to her every minute. She needs to experience your disinterest in her and moving forward in your life without her. That's what works to get a self-absorbed WW's attention...….not this type of stuff you've been doing. Both of you use D3 as an excuse to talk to each other. My gosh, how much interaction does it take to set up a schedule and stick to it? It's all an excuse that both spouses use. You need to tell her one time that all communication will be done through email, except for an emergency situation. Then stop responding to her texts. You can check your email in the evenings and send one response (if needed) regarding the care of D3, and cut out all that chit-chat thank-you-mam.
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She has been sending pictures and I dont respond.
Good! That's a start.
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Last night she told me she was dealing w D3 blah blah blah I said good luck.... she says thank you have a good night. I said thanks you too. Then she said thanks for not ignoring me. I said youre welcome.
No, no, no. This ^^^^^^^ is so nice & polite it makes me ill. Why all the back & forth niceties? When she texts you complaining, you ignore it. Not a peep! And....be warned, she won't like it. She'll be pissed. She'll accuse you of being cold, ignoring her (which is true), mean, not wanting to be friends (which is true), etc., etc. Ignore it. Can you do it? That's the question. B/c here's what will happen. Your nice guy traits will scream out in your head and tell you that she's right and you are not treating her well. So, you have to remind your nice guy traits that's why the M is in trouble, b/c of your NGS.
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I guess we are going to do cake and a small birthday party at my house. W is going to come Mon, D3 birthday and give balloons and have cake. Im going to be pleasant but distant. No more pursuit. As little contact as possible, no conversations started by me.... pulling further away.
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It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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