Well, all she really said was that all of this got to her, she was angry and upset, and that this is hard, and she didn't want to have our S see her like that (even though he was in bed already). She thanked me for taking care of things, and said she felt bad about putting us in that position, and that she didn't want to do it again. I simply said you're welcome, and that I understood. I didn't even question where she was.
We did talk about R a little when she said she didn't want us to be enemies, and she felt like that's where we've been this week. I told her that I didn't want to be her enemy, I never have and never will. I told her I'm still fighting for our marriage, and being her enemy won't help with that. I also told her I'd realized a bit more about where she is coming from in all of this, that we have to be independent and not rely on each other for happiness, and that she doesn't need to feel like she's my mother. She also said she doesn't know if she can trust who I am, and I suggested starting small with something to rebuild her trust in me. She didn't answer, but said she'd think on it since she was feeling bad (she ate something that didn't agree with her, especially since she's had her gall bladder removed).
I was able to touch her without her recoiling. Just small stuff like a squeeze of her hand, rubbing her shoulder, etc. while she was in pain from her stomach and even somewhat after the pain had subsided. She also sat on the couch with me during dinner, which is something she's completely avoided this week. Perhaps it was me getting her medicine, etc. that helped her see I'm not her enemy that caused this. I know it doesn't mean anything, really, but it's at least giving me a little hope since it's better than what has been going on for this week. I know I'm not supposed to focus on her too much, but regardless, I still want my W. As such, I'm still looking for signs of hope, but also trying to detach in case she decides she doesn't want me.
I also saw that she's still job hunting, which her job now has been a major point of contention between us. I know it doesn't mean anything, but still find it odd.
S and I are still going to my friend's house to help with his project today. I ended up getting in touch with an old friend through another friend, and he has invited us over to his house tonight, so depending on when we finish the project, I may be taking him up on it. Plus, his S and mine can hang out together (they're about a year apart).
