Helena, I think your plan of action should depend a lot on the level of abuse you endure with your husband and whether he abuses the kids. If the house is generally peaceful (like no shouting, verbal insults, physical violence, etc..) and the kids are happy and thriving with both parents then you may be better off waiting indefinitely to separate. If your husband is bullying everyone in the house though, including yourself, and the overall dynamic is negative and everyone feels afraid, then you and the kids might both be better off leaving.
Another consideration is how separating or divorcing will affect you and your kids financially and logistically. Is it a practical option? Will you be able to maintain your kids standard of living when they're with you?
Finally there's the question of whether you plan to start dating right away and seek to re-marry. If so then you may wish to think how that will affect your kids and also consider the risks of starting over with someone new who will have their own baggage and flaws. If you don't plan to date or re-marry then there's no pressure for you to divorce quickly for that reason.
Some of your misery might be reduced as you further build your own new life right within your current home. You can probably do a lot of things like the sorority alumni group to stay busy and active so maybe that'll help, but the key factor seems to be whether your husband is an abuser and if you need to separate for the welfare of yourself and the kids.
Please start a new thread. You've reached the 100 posting/reply limit for this one. Thanks!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Helena, probably this thread will be locked before getting my message through. Just wanted to say, keep strong I know how hard it is and you have been at it for really so long. Living through physical separation, I can tell you one thing. It is good for you and absolutely not good for the kids in my opinion, unless of course there is a screaming match between the parents every day and there is no peace, it is always better for kids to have both the parents together. Contemplate on what you need for yours and their happiness, whatever you decide we know you would have done for the best. Hugs.
