Thanks for checking in Maika. Sorry all, I have not been posting on your own sitches, just gets too painful sometimes. I have been reading on a lot of other older threads trying to learn, to understand and to make any sense of this madness. Mostly been single parenting and the days that I do not have my babies I am depressed. People around me dont know the storm inside me, they probably figure there is trouble in paradise but would never imagine WH could turn this way. Physical separation is good for me in a way, nobody to talk me down to pull me onto their whirlwind of emotions. But D3 is struggling, she misses her daddy, she does not understand why there is another house for him and why she has to go there some days. She goes for him though, if I say I miss her, she tells me maybe we can all be together. I have set up work and custody arrangements in a way that I at least see them once everyday, to just get my own fill. WH and I see each other a few times a week, for child exchanges and have limited text messages about child care. Absolutely no other talks. He seems to be enjoying his new life, away, not answerable. He is even taking personal trips, I have no idea to where, never in the 10 years of MR has he done this. I trouble my mind wondering if it is a job interview or actually staying over with someone but I know either way I have no control. He has chosen this path. I have not asked him about his trips or anything about his life, it is not a part of mine anymore and I have decided LRT is my path. I need my space, time to try and heal, to plan for a future without him. I cannot look him in the eyes anymore even during child exchanges, I dont know what I feel more now hurt or anger. I cannot think of any reason to want him back for myself, after pondering endlessly I have 2 very compelling strong reasons to not give up on the MR though, it is my 2 daughters. So if I am standing still, enduring and not telling him what I really feel, it is just for my children. All I wanted is a simple life, a happy family for my kids, a loving spouse to grow old with. My dreams have been shattered by the person I thought was my soul mate. One day at a time, I need to get through this. I thank god I have my daughters, I have a purpose for my life. The mediator was supposed to send the document for review over a month ago, he has put it on hold, no idea what he is thinking, but physical separation is as good as D at this point. Any advice on how to go from here? Is it to just live and let him leave/live?
