I don't think so, Gordie. I guess I did have somewhat of a normal phone conversation with W. It was a rather uneventful call, but she was pleasant. It was mainly just about kid stuff, but just the sound of her voice reminded me of before. So, maybe just a feeling, but not just out of the blue.
Like you Gerda, I have slipped more in to the missing of the closeness and comfortability of our relationship and family unit rather than missing her directly. After almost 2 years of the way she is now, I start to forget what it felt like to be happy and loved by my W. My W has never really monstered at me verbally. She never gave me a list of reasons why I was at fault for things and never really condemned things I had done. For me it was just cold shoulder, distant, loss of intimacy, EA, and then moving out. No verbal blaming. So, I guess, having a conversation where she isn't being distant and cold turned in to somewhat of a trigger for me. Not a PTSD trigger for panic and anxiety, but a trigger for remembering the W that I love and miss. Not much to be done about it but recognize it and move past it.
I agree FM, I've had plenty of times where I missed her while in the same room with her. Its like a death of someone close to you, but worse. Death is a natural occurrence and is the end result for all of us. Losing someone is hard, but there is closure to it. This is similar but fresh every day without closure. Well, thats how it felt in the beginning, anyways. But, it gets better. I think the pain will eventually go away, but if we never reconcile I assume that there will be some sort of regret or longing that will never completely go away.
I'm not sure what exactly is good to share with the kids. I try not to dump too much on them, but I also want to be open with them about things. Last night after talking to W on the phone, D and I were in the kitchen while I prepared dinner. I told D that I missed her mom. I told her that I try not to let my interactions with her mom affect me, but sometimes it was hard because I have loved her my whole life and sometimes I miss her...but that I am working on being better about that. She replied with, I know dad, don't worry, it's normal. I love my daughter...
