Help Please!

[Terapin]

You might be right Steve, perhaps there is some hope, but if there is it is buried really deep and doesn't much affect me. I come to this forum because it is where I know people and people know me, and I have received a lot of support here, plus there is a lot more traffic here. Honestly, I have been feeling more resentment towards the W since I let go more, but I don't think I'll ever get to the place where I am bitching about what a jerk she is. I don't need that negativity in my life, and also other than dumping my arse, she hasn't really been a jerk.

I don't know that everyone needs to give up hope to detach. In my case I find that they go hand in hand.

(end of thread hijacking)

I don't view this as thread hijacking but helping T with is struggle about DBing vs. giving up and Ding her. Again, we all approach things differently, but I think you mentioned an interesting dynamic. "Honestly, I have been feeling more resentment towards the W since I let go more", this is the path to detaching. When the LBS realizes they are in the right and that they deserve better. Until then the LBS is usually assigning too much blame to themselves, and holding on to the WAS for dear life. So you are on your way Davide.

T, notice the above dynamic. Rather then rushing to file for D, which I fear is doing the dirty work for your WAW, I would strive for the attitude that you are in the right, and that you deserve better....and then start living like that. That is the secret sauce that wakes up some WAWs.

Thanks Steve. No, I don't consider it hijacking my thread at all. It's all good and relevant info.

To answer your above question; no, I don't think what she did is unforgivable. And I know down deep on some level, I still want to save the MR. Emotionally I can't 'feel' those feelings right now, but logically I know they're still there, just buried.

In regards to the DR book, at least so far, it's all about steps to repair the MR. But if I want to do that, and she doesn't, then why set goals, take small steps, etc if ultimately that isn't really detaching? I guess that was my point. I can't set goals and work on approaches, if at the same time I should be not even thinking about it/her.

Anyway, she left with son this morning for a few days. The last few nights have been somewhat friendly I guess. She's been really 'nice', but I still think it's more to 'keep the peace' at home while we move forward with the D. That's fine. Still no R talk at all, which is odd since she has to be wondering if I filed yet. But she hasn't asked. I guess it's crazy to mind read her at this point. A few days away from each other will be nice.