Steve, I saw you mention self differentiation in burned's thread, so I Googled it. I came across this article, and I think I get more what my aim is in detaching. In fact, I think it's exactly what my W was trying to say when she told the MC in that dumpster fire of a session that she didn't know if I could make it on my own, and is possibly one of the reasons she's moving to separate rather than D. In fact, it might even explain why she said that the most likely outcome is D, but still implied that it's possible to R.
The takeaway for my sitch is that, with my W or someone else, I have to become independent. Multiple times, my W said she felt like my mother. I don't want that. Now, or ever again.
