Davide...well the only control I truly have in life is me. given that reality and my experience with present W, I very well may close up shop on future relationships/women. it is just too easy for women to walk these days and when they walk, they are done. look at how many of us LBHs are on here, totally clueless to much of what Sandi talks about, but totally dedicated to the love and happiness of our wives and chlidren...and yet it matters not. i know I'm melodramatic, cynical right now...maybe time will change that. thing is I know I could one day meet someone new, start off super happy with them, but the fact that over a short period of time I've had two women I thought were the loves of my life both just walk away like our vows/commitment meant nothing to them...I'm sorry I just feel like from what I've gone through I'd just be waiting for a new relationship to blow up in my face like the others. definition of insanity to try again I worry.
that's not to say I have not learned a great deal. i just truly don't believe in our current generations that the 30+ year forever loves that our parents/grandparents had is attainable anymore. we are a take/selfish people, if something hurts me, doesn't give me what I want, it is not my problem, rather the other person who can't provide it and as such I'm fully within my right to go onto a dating site, social media site, bar, wherever to get my fulfillment...if it hurts other people so be it...my needs must be met first. this is MY LIFE. so many pro-divorce resources to enable walking away, even HBO shows that glorify it, lest we forget the Housewives shows that also glorify it, dating around, getting what ME needs.
I'm just ready to drop her and be on to the next chapter in my life. there has been lots of damage done to me. I need time to be alone, work, take care of myself and raise my D. the wounds I have from this won't "heal" cleanly, they will simply scar over. as I say I don't care if she ever regrets as I will do my best to continue her "dying" to me. i try to believe God has a reason for my life going this way. I truly do pray to him asking him to keep other women FROM me not bring them to me. I love women, being a faithful, loving husband, a loving father. Not once in my 10 years of marriage was I ever discontent or unhappy about being married even when the MR wasn't great...specifically because my expectation is that no MR is ever going to be consistently happy all the time...my trust given my experiences is just shot to H8LL which is why the pull to just shut myself down is strong right now.
