Gordie 21 going with my gut

[roist]

Gordie

There were always and always will be differences. Fact of life. It's the distance between ye that enhances them now or at least highlights them.

No one likes criticism and I am sure your W doesn't make it constructive. That makes it harder to take.But peel back your initial reaction to her and ask is there any truth or positive motivation in what she says. For the record, based on my following your posts, I don't believe that you are wrong in your approach to kids. You seem level headed and fair. But I have learned that one being right doesn't automatically mean the other is wrong. In relationships and parenting things are rarely black and white.

Those emotional walls!With detachment and self protection it is normal and even essential to have these on place. At the moment I believe mine are higher and stronger than those of W. Yours could be too. Piecing is supposedly so hard because those walls have to come down and we are forced to face a lot. I think you should consider placing some windows that open in your walls. Open them when safe and appropriate to do so. But you are not in piecing yet, do keep the walls in place IMO.

I would be wary though of you projecting your vision of how things should be to allow reconciliation. By all means be aware and adamant about the main points, but I believe many LBSs try yo lay down their way forward and if reality wanders slightly from that plan, no forward movement is allowed. You prefer her to communicate directly. Understandable. Try to foster that by encouraging and rewarding it. But don't insist on perfect communication all the time. At her best W wasn't/isn't perfect. Sometimes not perfect is as good as it gets. Sometimes the WAS should be given the benefit of some leeway or deviation from the ideal. After all they are only human and not at their best. That doesn't mean the effort/motivation wasn't genuine. All that being said I do believe the onus should remain on the WAS to make consistent efforts towards improvement in the first place. Just don't block everything imperfect as sometimes that is the best that we (or they) can do .

My points are general and not specific to you nor your post, but I thought they are good reminders.

One point I would make is that you seem frustrated when W doesn't act the way that you want/EXPECT. There ate times when their behavior is distant. That isn't nice to experience but it is part of your current reality. Accept it and try not to be so disappointed when she isn't the way you want her to be. I fully understand those frustrations. I imagine your expectations are too high. Look into that.

Best wishes