Gordie 21 going with my gut

[Gordie]

Roist


Thank you for the reminder that rumor is better

And interesting how you all keyed into the how are you

Trying to let more in and out

But the walls are still up for both of us

Expectations creeping up too

So sometimes bugs me when she is just wrapped up in herself and pays me no heed

Reminder that this is non linear and to be patient

We have allowed ourselves to separate and be individuals again

But it lays bare the differences between us

Example is parenting

I expect a lot more of my older kids to take more responsibility for themselves

W criticizes this as bad parenting

Another example is communication

I am direct

And she is indirect

I stopped doing things for her

I have started again but only if she asks directly

But she finds it excruciatingly hard to do that

Whereas before if she just hinted at something I would do it

Now she hints and I will not do it or I will ask do you want me to do x and she will say no but all her non verbal communication says yes

Like when she was hinting about sleeping together

I want her to say or act clearly on what she wants

Instead I get ambiguity

I second guess myself and what the heck I am doing at times

Yes I want to forgive and reconcile

But I cannot do that as a party of one