WAW or WW? What should I do to save my MR.

[hongaku]

You're NOT pathetic. Don't attack yourself like that. It's hard to not think about the sitch. I think most of us here understand that completely. You recognize the cycle you're trapped in - use mindfulness and stop the cycle. Stop pursuit. Don't initiate conversation with her unless it's necessary to do so for a practical reason. If she initiates wth you, understand that she may consciously or subconsciously attempt to get you to lose your cool - don't take the bait. Validate her feelings where you can, agree with her where you can, but don't openly disagree with her feelings, argue or plead with her. Stop inviting her to things. If you've already given her an open general invitation to join you and your son for any activities, then she'll take you up on it when she wants to. But don't invite her each time you do something with your son.

Essentially, pretend she doesn't exist to a certain extent - again, she only exists when you must speak to her for some practical reason or she engages you. Focus on your son and your own stuff right now. No, you're not going to suddenly stop thinking about your sitch, but you can deal with it and you can get through it. Tell yourself that you can. Tell yourself that you can only control what you can control, and her feelings are not something you can control. Let her deal with herself right now. You just try and throw yourself into being the best you that you can be and the best father you can be. She will eventually come around or she won't, but there's nothing you can do about it at the moment. Some days are going to be harder than others, that's okay. When things are going well for you otherwise, regardless of the sitch with your W, take the time to absorb that good feeling or experience in. Make a small mental note each time you have a moment or experience of pleasure. Be present for your son - he needs his dad right now more than ever since your W has become a bit detached as a mother in many ways.

Also, and this is really important, you NEED to get at least one or two male friends to spend some time with without your son or wife there. Hire a babysitter if needed if you can't rely on your W to be able to care for your son during those times when you are out doing something for YOU. At least join a group or club, a gym, or yoga, martial arts, etc. Something that you can do by yourself in a social or semi-social setting at least a couple of times a week. You've got to take care of your own self-fulfillment, too. It's important for your mental, physical and spiritual health.