Advice on my Scenario Pt. 22

[TBSakaJ9]

OK - IMO your creating a bunch of unnecessary drama for yourself by trying to hang on. Let's use haircut.

I could give a flying fuch how my XW cuts our D's hair.............she could shave their heads and if they laughed about it and thought it was funny who cares. If your S wants his hair out of his eyes then he needs to tell his mother. If his mother chooses to go a different route and it is in his eyes then your S needs to tell his mom. If he is old enough to complain to you about it then he is old enough to complain to his mother about it. When my D's complain to me about their mom I re-direct them right back to their mom.

Making the comment about buying a bed and not a power wheel. Not good........your jabbing her and it shows she still has you by the sack. It is weak and needy behavior.

You can go back through your sitch and read everything people have suggested to you. It is way too long for me type out.

Lastly......and I am not trying to be a fuching jerk. There is a part of me that thinks you like the attention. You have threatened to leave the board twice......then when people jump in you stay and that gets your conversation on your thread going again. It happened yesterday as well when AS chimed in. It is kind of the same thing that happens with your W. You have no interaction, then I don't know what happens and you have this conversation and needle her to get a rise out of her. It's like you can't go without getting attention.....like something always has to be stirred up.

You start to take your power back by not engaging with her.

[OrangeK]

OK - IMO your creating a bunch of unnecessary drama for yourself by trying to hang on. Let's use haircut.

I could give a flying fuch how my XW cuts our D's hair.............she could shave their heads and if they laughed about it and thought it was funny who cares. If your S wants his hair out of his eyes then he needs to tell his mother. If his mother chooses to go a different route and it is in his eyes then your S needs to tell his mom. If he is old enough to complain to you about it then he is old enough to complain to his mother about it. When my D's complain to me about their mom I re-direct them right back to their mom.

I agree with this and will take this as my method to use in this particular situation. My only difference is that if the haircut is done so its still in his eyes im just doing it myself, not discussing the haircut with her any more. Its been discussed plenty.

Making the comment about buying a bed and not a power wheel. Not good........your jabbing her and it shows she still has you by the sack. It is weak and needy behavior.

I dont disagree. It was a stupid and searching thing to say. Definitily a jab, out of curiosity, why do you say it "shows she still has me by the sack"?

You can go back through your sitch and read everything people have suggested to you. It is way too long for me type out.

I feel like ive tried these things, and given up on them too easily.

Lastly......and I am not trying to be a fuching jerk. There is a part of me that thinks you like the attention. You have threatened to leave the board twice......then when people jump in you stay and that gets your conversation on your thread going again. It happened yesterday as well when AS chimed in. It is kind of the same thing that happens with your W. You have no interaction, then I don't know what happens and you have this conversation and needle her to get a rise out of her. It's like you can't go without getting attention.....like something always has to be stirred up.

You start to take your power back by not engaging with her.

I think you make a great point here.
I have a tendency to not be able to drop an argument, i often feel the need to have the last word.
I think the lingering feeling that she pull one over on me so bad, and hurt me so bad and just moved on without a second thought causes me to not last long without interaction.
Look back to the past few weeks where we werent talking. It was all peaches and cream at first, then as the time stretched out, it bothered me more and more to not hear from her.
I think its because it feels like she won, she is getting away with murder, and after a few weeks of not talking to each other, i have this need to stir the pot, i think maybe each time i think that I may finally get the right situation where OM's shine has fallen off and i might get an apology, or some explanation. Im not sure if its attention i seek, more than it is validation.
I think this whole time ive been waiting for her to validate how wrong what she did was, and how heartless it was to do what she did.
Her defense mechanism to hide guilt will always prevail over being honest or apologetic.
I also think it stems from my view of OM.
He lives with his parents, he is not attractive, he is seemingly average or below in all regards.
She chose the first available target she saw, but I am still comparing myself to him and, (im not saying thise because of my sitch or anything else) but i know i am better. I am a better partner (he cheated on his fiance with EXW), I am more attractive, I am S3's real father and a damn good one to boot, I have goals and i actively pursue them.
Its almost like she chose someone inferior just to add to the pain.
Lastly, there is part of me that really really looks forward to the day (and i get it may not happen) that She realizes what she lost, and tries to backpedal her awful decisions. I look forward to telling her "too late" and to get that feeling of power back in my life. I realize this isnt a healthy hope to have, but its there and Im not going to lie and say it isnt.

[OrangeK]

Well. I am leaving tomorrow for my annual camp trip.
This camp is a very special place for me, all my friends will be there, and we have total freedom and 52 acres of space.

Spiritually this is an important place for me. I plan on spending a good block of time, off by myself in the forest, meditating. I plan to use the quiet, nature and cleansing power of water to come home as a new man.

This trip has always had EX and S3 there in the past, Last year she had been already seeing OM for some time, and all the pictures posted from the weekend last year specifically omitted me, because she told OM and his friends that Her and I were already broken up and getting divorced, so she played off online like i wasnt there and she was up with her friends.

So i will be purging that from my system.
Its high time i finish this crap and get moving on.

From October to April, i chased, pursued, begged and was a weak weak man.
April to Now, i have learned a lot, and DB'ed very poorly.
From Now till forever, i will be keeping myself in check.
No more blaming her for my problems, no more burdening others in my life with stories, and complaints of her.
Shes dead to me, as much as i dont want her to be, its time i act like it

[TBSakaJ9]

My only difference is that if the haircut is done so its still in his eyes im just doing it myself

I would not do this. If your S doesn't like it he needs to tell his mom.


It shows she still has you by the sack because it shows you care. She doesn't take it as you care about S3.....she takes it as a jab towards OM, her life choices, that you are upset about OM.

Yes.....you have gave up too easily. It took my XW 6 months to calm down and I db'd hard.

You have to move past trying to W or L.........the only person loosing right now is you! Every time you are passive aggressive with her, make snide remarks, question her, etc. etc. etc. it re-affirms in her mind that she made the right choice.

[OrangeK]

I would not do this. If your S doesn't like it he needs to tell his mom.

Therein lies my point Joe, She doesnt CARE what he wants. He could tell her 1000 times and if SHE doesnt want it shorter, she wont do it.
She doesnt view him as an individual, but as her belonging. Its how Narc's are with their kids. If he doesnt properly project the image SHE wants projected, he suffers for it. All he is to her is an Instagram Mannequin.

She doesn't take it as you care about S3.....she takes it as a jab towards OM, her life choices, that you are upset about OM.

Well her life choices were horrible, slutty and downright cold hearted, she deserves to know that what shes doing by letting S3 sleep in OM's bed is flat out, crap parenting and she should be ashamed of that choice. Yet again, S3's needs DONT MATTER. As long as she has the convenience of not having to drive S3 back to her moms, she doesnt care.

Every time you are passive aggressive with her, make snide remarks, question her, etc. etc. etc. it re-affirms in her mind that she made the right choice.

I dont care what choice she made, i miss her yea, but i dont want her back. Nor do i wish to be in the MR that I had. It was deceptive and abusive.
I am passive aggressive with her when she acts like a child, moving forward I will just ignore her instead.

[OrangeK]

Well as of today I am restarting DB.
From scratch.

I will be posting moving forward as though i just joined the board after having lurked and read posts since april.
Clean slate.

[TBSakaJ9]

Therein lies my point Joe, She doesnt CARE what he wants. He could tell her 1000 times and if SHE doesnt want it shorter, she wont do it.

That is on her.....it is not your responsibility to fix.



Well her life choices were horrible, slutty and downright cold hearted, she deserves to know that what shes doing by letting S3 sleep in OM's bed is flat out, crap parenting and she should be ashamed of that choice.


I agree but it is not your responsibility to shame her and rub her face in it.



I am passive aggressive with her when she acts like a child, moving forward I will just ignore her instead.

Yes....that is why your conversations should not be long and drawn out.

[OrangeK]

Therein lies my point Joe, She doesnt CARE what he wants. He could tell her 1000 times and if SHE doesnt want it shorter, she wont do it.

That is on her.....it is not your responsibility to fix.

I have to disagree here. If she will not provide for S3, and give him what is best for him, what kind of father am i if i do not advocate for my own childs wants and needs?
She has proven she cannot be trusted to provide for S3 in all regards, where she fails, i will provide.
thats my job as dad, esp. dad to the child of a mentally disordered mother.

Well her life choices were horrible, slutty and downright cold hearted, she deserves to know that what shes doing by letting S3 sleep in OM's bed is flat out, crap parenting and she should be ashamed of that choice.

I agree but it is not your responsibility to shame her and rub her face in it.

So she just gets to waltz through life treating people like garbage with no repercussions, not even a mention that her repeated behaviors destroy lives including that of her childs?
that's a hard pill to swallow Joe, dunno if i can do that.
Ill try.

[TBSakaJ9]

I have to disagree here. If she will not provide for S3, and give him what is best for him, what kind of father am i if i do not advocate for my own childs wants and needs?


It is a haircut, it is not a life or death situation. If he doesn't like it he can express this to his mother and not run to you looking to fix it making her look to be the bad guy.



Ill try


Your going to have to do more than try Yoda.

[OrangeK]

Well like i said, clean slate after this weekend.
For me, and to be fair, her too.

She will start clean, and i will give her the benefit of the doubt, and if she continues to be a half assed mother, i will start looking at court options to win custody and so on.