Advice on my Scenario Pt. 22

[TBSakaJ9]

OK - You take your power back by removing yourself from the situation. You start to move forward by making you and your life better. That is the best way to take our your revenge. Cutting my D's hair doesn't even cross my mind. It is something that my XW has always handled. Yes, she told me to take it off the child support because it was $100 and if she didn't offer that I would have asked her or told her I couldn't afford it. Your sons haircut costs maybe $20 it was not about the money with you it was about control. I see you trying to hang onto anything you can. You have to let go of the edge of cliff and just fall.

I told you early on that you may have to give a little to get a little in return. Your W has to realize that you are a safe place and if she is comfortable with you then you can get to the point of a good co-parenting relationship. In order to do that though you are going to have to take the high road on some things.

You are going to be D'd very soon.....IMO there are little boundaries that you will be able to enforce so if being a good co-parent is your goal then know that respect goes both ways. You may have to give it first in order to get it back.

[OrangeK]

So im still back and forth between trying to be approachable, and standing my ground.
As always in now feeling super low.
Im like a damn pendulum.
Back and forth between motivated persistence and crippling regret and indecision.

3 IC's havent helped.
Posting here hasnt helped.
Talking to friends hasnt helped.
Trying to ignore it hasnt helped.
i keep doing the same sh*t, even though i know better.

Im lost. i dont have any options left, i dont have any ideas left.
I feel like this is it, this is just how i live now.

[OrangeK]

its not about control. Why do you think that?

I asked the last 2 times to have her cut it short so it wouldnt be in his eyes, and she doesnt.
She doesnt care what He wants, shes more interested in spiking my wheel.
How am i supposed to co parent with someone like that??

I only was going to cut it without talking to her so it would get done the way he wants it.
I gave her one more opportunity to do so, if its not cut shorter i will just go and have it redone myself.

Im not interested in feeding her ego or sense of power. If she isnt providing what S3 wants, I will. Plain and simple.
Thats not about control, its about caring for my son.

[OrangeK]

Also, i have a REALLY hard time giving respect to someone who had my respect, threw it away, and shows me ZERO in return.

[TBSakaJ9]

I asked the last 2 times to have her cut it short so it wouldnt be in his eyes, and she doesnt.
She doesnt care what He wants, shes more interested in spiking my wheel.
How am i supposed to co parent with someone like that??


You have 2 options.......

1. You can continue to battle and get the same results..................THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY DOING.

2. You can try something different which is what everyone here has suggested.

Your call

[OrangeK]

Honesty time.

Ive been trying for months to be over this, move on.
Im not. I still hurt, i still miss her, and i am still hung up on not getting an apology, any remorse, any feelings ANYTHING.
The fact that i never meant anything to her, the fact that she never actually cared. Its too much

this woman married me and cheated within 3 weeks. Maintained an affair for more than half a year without batting an eyelash.

The hurt, pain, self doubt and hatred she has bred in me is too much.

I should respect myself more and be content to move on. I hate her for what she did but i still love the woman i married.
I still feel robbed, duped and like OM took my whole life away, and EXW gave it away freely.

I know OM wont last, but i still FEAR that he will. the thought of this guy keeping what was pulled away from me makes me sick.
No relationship built on lies of this magnitude will ever last or be healthy, but just the "What if it does....." is enough to crush me when im not strong.

Guys, im desperate here. I am at a loss. IC isnt working, Time isnt healing. All the tried and true methods are failing me.
I am failing myself.
I am totally at a loss.

My logic has accepted the truth, my emotions still have not.
i feel like this is where ill be stuck forever.

[OrangeK]

I asked the last 2 times to have her cut it short so it wouldnt be in his eyes, and she doesnt.
She doesnt care what He wants, shes more interested in spiking my wheel.
How am i supposed to co parent with someone like that??


You have 2 options.......

1. You can continue to battle and get the same results..................THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY DOING.

2. You can try something different which is what everyone here has suggested.

Your call

Like what?
Seriously, im all open to ideas.

Ive been told i was controlling to go and do it myself, others told me to "take back my power" and make decisions myself.

Ive been told I am being weak for telling her about it. SO which is right?

So what Something else are you referring to??

[TBSakaJ9]

OK......I don't think you have ever seriously tried for more than a week to do anything that the board has suggested.

[OrangeK]

OK......I don't think you have ever seriously tried for more than a week to do anything that the board has suggested.

Ill say 3 weeks. But you are not wrong.

What specific course of action are you referring to with the haircut thing?

Tough love. Now. Im not going to bitch about it.
Call me an as$hole, i dont care. Tell me im a weak willed pushover. I dont care.
Im not going to get all bent out of shape.

Please, Tell me what i need to do.
Bluntly. Rudely if need be. I dont care. I just cant keep rolling in this wheel. Its eating me away from the inside.

[OrangeK]

I dont care if i need a damn check list, or a weekly goal sheet or something, or a dozen hard questions to answer. IDK.

I know what i WANT. I want 20 min of uninterrupted time to tell EX all the things on my mind. but i know it wont do anything, it would be valueless to do so, she doesnt care, and shes fully aware of what she did.

I just dont get how she can pretend to be nice while hating me, and how she was able to pretend to be my wife while hating me.
Shes a piece of sh*t. Flat out.