Advice on my Scenario Pt. 22

[OrangeK]

Honesty time.

Ive been trying for months to be over this, move on.
Im not. I still hurt, i still miss her, and i am still hung up on not getting an apology, any remorse, any feelings ANYTHING.
The fact that i never meant anything to her, the fact that she never actually cared. Its too much

this woman married me and cheated within 3 weeks. Maintained an affair for more than half a year without batting an eyelash.

The hurt, pain, self doubt and hatred she has bred in me is too much.

I should respect myself more and be content to move on. I hate her for what she did but i still love the woman i married.
I still feel robbed, duped and like OM took my whole life away, and EXW gave it away freely.

I know OM wont last, but i still FEAR that he will. the thought of this guy keeping what was pulled away from me makes me sick.
No relationship built on lies of this magnitude will ever last or be healthy, but just the "What if it does....." is enough to crush me when im not strong.

Guys, im desperate here. I am at a loss. IC isnt working, Time isnt healing. All the tried and true methods are failing me.
I am failing myself.
I am totally at a loss.

My logic has accepted the truth, my emotions still have not.
i feel like this is where ill be stuck forever.