Advice on my Scenario Pt. 22

[OrangeK]

OK - I cried my eyes out every morning and every night for about 3 months straight. I cried my eyes out in the middle of the day sitting at my desk at work. I had to tell my team and I sat in conference with them I couldn't even get the words out of my mouth.....I just cried.

It has been 10 months since i learned of affair, this still happens to me.
Why? after all this time?? Not from missing her either, just from the pain of HOW she fuc*ed me over, the cold, evil way she has done what shes done. It Effing hurts. I gave my whole life to her and she pissed on it.

My oldest will remember, she still struggles with it. They were 8 and 6 when all of this went down. The good news is that your son will never remember. Everyone here has lost something, some more than others.

Ive lost a brother to addiction, and it didnt hurt like this for this long. I feel guilty that EXW has hurt me for so much longer and deeper than losing a sibling did. WTF is wrong with me??

There are times where I hate my XW....like when she got her boob job, when she told me she had a BF, when she introduced my kids to her BF, when she seems as though she doesn't have a care in the world, when she seems that her life is so great, when I see her smile, etc. etc. etc.

What the fuch am I going to do about it????????????? Not a fuching thing.

How the FUG do you compartmentalize that? once the "Snowball" of my anger starts rolling down the hill, it consumes my whole mind. there isnt ROOM for anything else, let alone to pack it away and compartmentalize it.
I know there isnt anything i can do, about what happened or what is happening, but damn does it eat away at me.

At some point in time you have to reach down deep and fuching nut up......I just got tired of everything. It fuching wore me out and I refused to chase her and give her any satisfaction or power over me.

That is what i thought ive been doing, then something as simple as cutting my sons hair without discussing it with her filled me with.......fear. I was frikkin afraid to incite her wrath. Big Pu**Y move on my part IMHO. And now she has the sense of power, yet again.

You made people mad because you refused to listen and you were not making progress with moving forward. Eventually people stop commenting because it feels like they are wasting their time.

DBing is a battle against yourself....it is not a battle against your W.

Well im losing the battle.