Need Guidance moving from new comer to MLC,

[marina7]

DnJ

Thank you so much,

Yes I realize it after I got in the car I was like dam it.... but also I am scared that W will spill her guts to kids about her childhood I wanted W to know you can't tell our kids this they are to young only 10 yrs old and 9yrs old all 3 are so young. But I also know that W is not herself

I won't lie it hurted ao bad about that text the bullying part and controlling part. Not sure why because I never did. But the thought that W literally rewrote our stort it sadden me. I till this day respect W have never called W out her name always made sure W and kids where my first priority.

Is like when I seen W and W said about her childhood I honestly been her protector I wanted to say " I am here your safe I got you I wouldn't ever never let anyone hurt you" but I knew I can't at this moment.

I knew what W has gone through 10yrs ago when we got serious I knew all this so this was a reason I didn't drink I wanted W to see I will never be an alcoholic. Or ever touch her I tried not to raise my voice or stand in front of her when we argued because I knew what W did to her mom. I made sure I never did anything to make W feel insecure or even a little hence that I would hurt her.

Crazy after all I did I still wasn't good enough or to good for W.

Well d10 had a break down last night my three kids are like me when it comes to solutions and being fixers.
D10 mommy why did mom ask how I was when I was there. Is like mom doesn't want to talk to me she hates me
M big hug for d10 kiss in forehead let her cry and scream while d10 hug me tight.
M to d10 you want answers
D10 yes why why did mom just leave us
M you had to grow up really quick the last yr and 5 months and we might never get answers because guess what am also that way I need answers you have one of my traits you three have to remember something always that I am learning myself. " Is not your fault, you did nothing there was nothing you or your brother's or me that could have made mom stay.
D10 am scared mommy you might leave us too
M is ok to fear and be scared and my job is to remind you I will never go anywhere, I am here forever and guess what you three are stuck with this mommy.
D10 chuckle, laugh and squeeze me tight
M remember one day at a time and not your fault
D10 will mom ever be back to herself
M d10 I have told you three I will never lie to you, I don't have the answer to that question but remember with God always anything is possible.
D10 mommy thank you for everything you do and making sure we are safe and caring for us.
M d10 thank you for recognizing me I am trying my best. I know as a parent I will never be perfect but am trying one day at a time
D10 mommy you are perfect.
M thank you my little Angel
D10 mommy is ok to cry
M tears running down my face I know I just don't like doing it in front of you three but I do. I am hurt also like you and saf and mad and I want answers but I am learning that we may never get answers.
D10 yeah I learning from you alot. You have lots of patience for Mom, she is mean
M sorry you feel that way
D10 one more hug before night night
M ok big hug

I tucked s9 to bed
S9 Thank you mommy
M welcome baby
S9 good night
M good night my sweet boy

I look over and s10 bed empty I walk downstairs with tears running down my face, telling myself this is just not right. Is sad to not have s10 with us. I know there's a plan and court soon. But the thought W did this I thought it was ok and we are now at court about to go to trial and knowing W might be seen as unfit parent and could never see our children again makes me sick. I know that I never intentionally wanted to hurt W but I also know I am a mom first kids come first I tried very hard to do this without court or cps but W cause this by trying to take s10 and his sibilings away from each other. I know am doing the right thing. It just still hurts to know things had to go this far. W might lose everything I know she loves.