Something about all of this but doesn’t add up for me. On the one hand, you’re commenting here on all of the garbage things W is doing, saying how she’s lying and stealing, saying how you can’t trust her, saying you don’t care what she thinks, etc. but on the other hand, you’re letting her loiter in your house for an hour at a time, you’re getting phone numbers from other women in front of your kids, you’re commenting and discussing your weight loss wand hair cut and such with her repeatedly. I don’t know. It all just feels very passive aggressive and all feels like pursuit to me. I mean - she was 90 minutes late in the morning and in the evening, you let her hang around for over an hour - so was the morning issue not important?
At drop off, have plans with the kids. At pick up, have the kids ready to go and have plans for yourself. Stop with “dating” especially in front of your kids. Stop talking about W and your focus on your changes (especially physical) ones with your kids.
I’m just having a hard time understanding your plan and your goals. I think you would still like to R but at the same time, it feels like you are just trying to get her to feel badly or to get “even” or to hear an “Im sorry”. I can’t teally tell. In any case, it feels focused on getting something from her rather than where YOU want to be.
Something about all of this but doesn’t add up for me. On the one hand, you’re commenting here on all of the garbage things W is doing, saying how she’s lying and stealing, saying how you can’t trust her, saying you don’t care what she thinks, etc. but on the other hand, you’re letting her loiter in your house for an hour at a time, you’re getting phone numbers from other women in front of your kids, you’re commenting and discussing your weight loss wand hair cut and such with her repeatedly. I don’t know. It all just feels very passive aggressive and all feels like pursuit to me. I mean - she was 90 minutes late in the morning and in the evening, you let her hang around for over an hour - so was the morning issue not important?
At drop off, have plans with the kids. At pick up, have the kids ready to go and have plans for yourself. Stop with “dating” especially in front of your kids. Stop talking about W and your focus on your changes (especially physical) ones with your kids.
I’m just having a hard time understanding your plan and your goals. I think you would still like to R but at the same time, it feels like you are just trying to get her to feel badly or to get “even” or to hear an “Im sorry”. I can’t teally tell. In any case, it feels focused on getting something from her rather than where YOU want to be.
Exactly..
It is the only situation on this site that i have ever walked away from. The vast majority of this makes no logical sense at all.
If you look at the very first thread its the same pattern over and over again.
commenting and discussing your weight loss and hair cut and such with her repeatedly.
I never mention these things to W, W is the one who does. I keep getting compliments from her which I don't respond too.
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I mean - she was 90 minutes late in the morning and in the evening, you let her hang around for over an hour - so was the morning issue not important?
I never invite her in, she asks if it's OK to come in and I say legally she is allowed to do so. If I refused her entry then she could call the police and use that against me. I met my solicitor today who is going to issue a letter to W with a childcare arrangement offer. I'm the first to do that.
Oh wow, I've just had a text from W saying I can see the kids for 4 days next week providing I don't go out with them on 2 of the days. I am also due to be with the kids tomorrow but she is changing that to Friday. What do I say to this?
Benito, a major issue for W has been resentment towards me for being the main carer of the kids. The CYA yesterday and the messages today I now realise just how controlling W is being over access to the kids.
If W wants D then she will need to accept that what happens when it's my time with them is up to me. W is the one who will need to learn to let go... or she can make an effort for a MR.
I will give my opinion about something I see happening in many M's today. Take it FWIW. I believe it is the nature of most women to be attracted to a man who out ranks her (in some way) to some degree. I also believe there are some women who are attracted to a man who she would feel was her equal.... It is a woman's nature to find a mate that is capable of protecting & providing for her and her offspring. What does this have to do with a SAHD? It's all in how she sees him.....When the man doesn't work and he becomes the homemaker and raises the children...….the natural dynamics change and the woman loses admiration and attraction for him.
Sandi is Wise. She is the only one STILL posting here out of all the support people I had when I was going through my divorce (around2009).
Michele talks about doing 180's. Nice guys need to learn to be more assertive. The "Bad boys" need to learn to be more caring. Start adding behaviours of the "Bad boys" that woman find attractive. I can elaborate if needed.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
So, do not trust her! I'm telling you that you cannot afford to trust anything she says or does. I get that you want your family back. But she's not that girl you M. The sooner you can accept it, the better you will fight for your own rights and those of your children. Forget trying to make things work with her. You must get your focus off her and on to your future. (((hugs))) Life goes on, and you can be happy. Please, please do not give up on yourself. Maybe you had faults, but let me tell you something that significantly separates the wayward W from the others. Her coldhearted, selfish, deceitful agenda that is all about her. Not her kids, not her parents, or even an affair partner...…..but her.
Very Wise words.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
W just dropped off the kids. She agreed I could have the kids for 2 weeks holiday... the kids and I did high 5's. A few mins later W said she didn't realise that they would be staying overnight with me for the holiday so would speak to the kids to ask them.
I had been due to see the kids yesterday but W said they had other things planned. The kids say they just stayed in all day.
