B, I have to say, first thank you for the kind words. Next, wow, that was so heartfelt that I felt tears welling in my eyes! That only the second time that's ever happened reading things on this board. As I said I am kind of stoic, so it is kind of strange for me to feel that emotion evoked from a stranger typing on the internet. That shows you how heartfelt your comments are! So thank you for that.
It is interesting in your long post, how you touched on so many points. Cory09 came here last night to discuss his pain at his D becoming final today. I started to type out a longer post related to some of the things you touched on and then realized that it wasn't going to help him, and I shortened it to more of a post of encouragement for him. But so much of what you said was on my mind. That there are those out there that take commitment so lightly. We've all been through the wedding. The preparation, going through the licensing process, arranging everything and then standing in front of a minister with a crowd of friends and family and swearing an oath to love, honor and cherish. Then after a few bumps in the road turning tail and running. (I used that exact phrase in my original post to Cory09.) As you point out that this has become so widespread is troubling.
B, I was getting ready to leave for work this morning and it hit me that my W would have bolted weeks ago, maybe months ago, if not for our Christian faith. Even with it she was ready to leave in January, though she didn't do a lot in the effort it would have taken. The point being that she kept coming back to not wanting to disappoint God and church. Her heart had already moved on from me, it just wasn't ready to move on from her faith. I think so much about others here that didn't have that, whose WAW (or spouse for the ladies) just up and left. I spent a lot of time in OrangeK's threads trying to help him, and my heart hurting for him. I cannot imagine going through sitches like ours without that bedrock of faith. OK struggles so mightily, grasping at things. Strange feelings that proceed court orders, and grasping at coping techniques, but having a hole through the middle of him due to a lack of spirituality. I am not trying to turn this religious at all, but I juxtapose OK and someone like LoneWlf. LW has leaned his entire weight on his faith.....and I see none of the same struggles in him that I see in others. Not that he doesn't struggle since we all do, but that his struggles are tempered in trusting God!
And the Ballast I see you. Not understanding (how could any of us) how you can be put through this twice, but trusting that God has a plan even in the midst of your pain. You are an inspiration, no question about it. Your strength and resolve are marvels, but again I attribute it to the fact that you see that you are part of a bigger plan!
As recently as this past weekend I had thoughts about whether or not I should have pursued R, or if D would be better for me in so many ways. As you said we all come here wanting to fight for our MR. And the personal growth we find is that R or D, we will overcome. Not just in words on a screen proclaiming that we are better, but by getting ourselves out of bed every morning resolved to make it the best day possible for ourselves, and for our kids. And whether we are struggling in R and all the things that go along with that, or whether we are struggling with D proceedings and all of the stress that goes along with that, we realize that our bedrock is the faith in a God that despite our struggles cares so much for us. Even for you who are not believers, you can take solace in knowing that He does care for you and that you are never alone because He is there.
Ballast, I need to go back into Cory's thread and remind him that D isn't the end. It is a step in the process. We don't know what the future holds, but we have seen R become a possibility many times after D. The beauty in this personal journey of growth of exactly what you said, the switch from trying to save our MR at all costs to saving ourselves and therefore getting ourselves in a position to decide if we even want that anymore. It is profound.
Thanks ballast, I appreciate you taking the time to share all of that with us.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
