Thanks KML. I'm still struggling to believe I have a lot to offer. I do in many ways but don't in others. It's hard to get past the rejection from my husband that I wasn't good enough because I wasn't 10 years younger and an exact Victoria's Secret model replicate. It makes me think that's what every guy wants and anything else wouldn't be their first choice, but I hope that's wrong in some way and there are men who are less superficial who I would find attractive too.

You know I never would have guessed that my husband wouldn't treat me like an equal because he did for over seven years. In many ways I was more powerful because I was the primary income earner and he came to my native country where he was at a disadvantage. But when we had our daughter suddenly everything related to children was a woman's job, men are free to do what they want, and a double standard emerged. I'm sure I'd be happy to meet someone who doesn't have that double standard. It seems less about Islam and more about culture, but Islam can be twisted in many ways to legitimize bad behaviors. Yes Islam granted women many rights although there are also many parts of the Quran that are hard for a Western woman to accept. The response I normally get is "it's the translation that's bad" but that's not it. For example a man being allowed to beat his wife lightly - is a woman allowed to do that to her husband? The Quran outlines a fairly clear set of rules for men and women that are different but that's a whole other conversation. Since my husband declared himself an Atheist it's more just bad culture and him choosing to be a bad person.

I sat with neighbors from a country next to my husband's country the other night. They're younger and married with a daughter the same age as mine. They said what's happening with my husband isn't uncommon. They've seen it with a few of their friends. They said they themselves almost divorced five or six times because the husband cheated (and I liked when his wife said that he looked at me, smiled, and raised his eyebrows). We didn't get to talk long enough for me to ask what ended up happening with the other men they saw like my husband but I look forward to asking sometime soon.