I wouldn't waste my time trying to negotiate a settlement with him. As you know, I have waited eons for a separation contract that is never going to come. I accept that. I didn't ever update with this, but he did eventually file. I think this was being forced by the OW and my goading him simultaneously created the perfect storm where that was the path of least resistance. I thought surely we will move along now at a good clip and get this done. But I forgot who I was dealing with.
I now believe it doesn't matter who files. They will do what they are going to do. Yours, like mine, doesn't want an end to the drama. If he did he wouldn't behave this way. Mine never sent any counter-proposal on the separation contract, filed the barest petition you've ever seen in your life (I still have no idea what his position is on anything), and even played games over service of process that backfired in the worst possible way. We are now many months in and not one single thing has happened (hasn't seen one of the children in over a year and has barely seen the other). We still don't even have a case schedule (takes a year to get a trial date where I am so we are a year out from whenever he finally pays the $20 fee that is holding us up). He also hired a complete bozo for an attorney that will ensure that nothing ever happens. (Oh yeah, and I'm still getting his dating profiles in my email from my fake profile and even though I think he knows its my profile, he keeps messaging it, but I just ignore it).
Were I you, I would strategize the quickest and most expedient line from where you are to conclusion that does not require any participation from him. If you haven't had a forensic accounting and served subpoenas on the financial institutions themselves, you really should do that. If you rely on what he turns over, you will never get the truth. You can burn a lot of cash in settlement negotiations and writing drafts that never get signed. Do some reading on trying to negotiate with a narcissist or other cluster B and you will see that it is really a pointless endeavor.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I always thought ours were a lot alike. Frankly I've felt loads better since he filed (the court here automatically enters a restraining order so he can't mess with the money anymore). Although this is still a flavor of limbo, at least it is one that I am very familiar with.
