OK here goes first post... pt 3

[Surfer]

DavidUK, Hi.

Sorry to read some of your back story. I get it. I've had as bad, worse and for years, years and years!!!!

I have one message for you. Sorry, it's harsh. You need to grow a pair son!

That sounds awful, but stick with me, I am speaking from experience.

You see, I didn't soon enough. Nevertheless, I am very grateful I did not - I got to see her fully (not the person I thought she was, perhaps she changed or perhaps it was just a charade) I am about to D, all will be well. The kids are fine and I see them almost every day - I appreciate your sitch is different - and it is in terms of time with the kids for sure (you need to sort that in time, and you will).

Now back to growing a pair at the right time! None of this is ever about them (WS). I mean that in terms of your actions. You do not want to show her something so she will come back!!! Big no no. You need to change your choices. Goals if you like in MWD terms.

Start to focus on you. It's that well trodden comment of 'keeping your side of the street clean', stop caring about what and why she is doing her crazy stuff. Just STOP.

Find fun and life for you and the kids. That's what takes growing a pair! - when all you want is her (I get it). I'm not saying your are not being a man, I am saying you are still in pursuit. You clearly are. Forget what she wants, says, does not say, thinks....just STOP.

Start doing what makes you happy. Be happy. If she sees you happy and healthy she may want to be with you. But most importantly you will, so will your kids and so will others that will have such a positive influence on your life. I 100% know this. It may take time for you to just be alone. It may take time for you to take up old hobbies, new ones (I wouldn't want the wonan you described - and I doubt she will change),spend time with old friends (or new) or whatever. But this is what takes balls. DROP HER ROPE (it is firmly attached to your balls my friend)! Get it off. Move and keep doing that.

It's a new life now. It's a far, far happier one but she has been in your head controlling you for too long.

Also, sever all finances. Get what cash you can and separate it so she can't burn it. My WW has burned £900k of mine. She will soon be closed off! Nearly there.

So things to do. Grow a pair! Change your plan, separate finances, give zero F**ks. Be 100% the best version of you and Dad (for you and the kids). The rest will sort in time. It may rekindle, but I would assume you need another life. A happier one for you and the kids. When you have done this, if it does not rekindle, get a D then sort custody. Then find yourself a lovely lady that really does deserve you because I really don't think she does!

Mate stop f**king about. You have one life and this will burn years from yours and it will confuse the kids. Move one! Fast and hard.

A final point never argue in front of the kids. If she does, set boundaries and close her down. Protect the kids and you.

Read the verbally abusive relationship by patricia evans.

Surfer.