Advice on my Scenario Pt. 22

[OrangeK]

10-4

[OrangeK]

Well the intentional difficulties regarding scheduling are back.
She's making things difficult for the week S3 doesnt have school at end of month.

I am not letting on that this childish immaturity is bothering me, just said "Yep Ok. Ill get back to you when I can solidify my plans for the week"
to which she replied.
"its the week after next, the sooner you could let me know, the better"
I replied: "I am aware when it is, As i said, I will let you know after the weekend. i have to make plans first. Have a good week"

He was supposed to go up to my parents again (like he has the last 2 years) but she isnt allowing that to happen.
He was really excited to go.
Her getting one up on me is more important to her than what S3 wants to do. Pretty petty.

Counting down the days till D.

[OrangeK]

Also, I have asked yet again to have her please get a bed for S3 if they will be sleeping at OM's house.
S3 complained about it again last week. She slept with S3 there Tuesday and Wednesday night.
Yet she continues to deny and lie about it.

"I am dissapointed that the co sleeping in your boyfriends bed continues. If you are living there please get a bed for S3. As i have said before, for him to share a bed with a strange man is not emotionally healthy for S3, nor is it morally appropriate. I would have thought you would put the developmental and emotional needs of S3 before your own convenience, but sadly for S3 that doesnt seem to be the case."

I am done walking on eggshells for her. It would be one thing if she openly admitted doing this, then we could at least have a discussion about it, but the fact that she continues to deny it and lie about it is exceedingly frustrating. How can one co-parent with someone who will make poor choices on purpose and deny it?

[OrangeK]

And as expected she denied it, even though I am 100% that it happened twice last week.
Just told her I didnt believe her, she said "I dont care if you dont believe me, *OK hand Emoji*, BYE."

[NicoleR]

OrangeK, too bad your wife is so immature and selfish to do this to her child. That other man won't be around forever and it's going to be so hard on your son when she switches partners again.

I was remembering how my mother was a really bad mother when I was a kid. My parents were married but my mother always had other people helping with my brother and I or she'd just leave us unsupervised. She was pretty abusive and just generally unstable. I no longer speak with her aside from general conversation in group settings. My father was nice, but I blame him a lot for staying quiet when he saw my mother treating us bad. He was afraid of my mother and he'd let her do whatever she wanted to avoid a fight. So he enabled her abusive behavior.

The point is that you want to make sure when you grow up that your son sees you as someone who defended him and fought for his best interests. It doesn't matter if your wife gets mad at you or says she doesn't care. It's still worth fighting for your son. When he's with you I think it's good to do everything you think is right to show him what a stable home and loving parent is. He's an innocent child who never asked to come into this world. You're his best hope in life.

[NicoleR]

Correction: "want to make sure when your son grows up that he sees you as someone who defended him..."

[OrangeK]

Had another convo with EX. I decided to discuss the haircut with her instead of just doing it.

Started off by me mentioning that he has done a great job learning to swim

EX: "Yea he talked about that a lot on Sunday night when my dad dropped him off after picking him up. He sounds like he had a great weekend up there. Mentioned staying with Grandma, Auntie and Uncle. He kept asking "where dada went" "did dada go to work". I just changed the subject as i didnt know if you actually stayed up there with him or if you left."

ME: "Yea, hes a great swimmer now, no fear. just jumps right in.
His hair is getting long again, he has asked to "have it short like dada". I wasnt going to go as short as my hair is, but he wants it short and out of his eyes. Would you like to take him or do you want me to?
Also, i stayed with him at the beach house the whole weekend so im not sure why he mentioned that. I left when your dad came by to pick him up, thats it"

EX: "I can setup an appointment for his hair when I Get into work. He has gotten comfortable for the girl there that cuts his hair. Weird, he tells me he wants it longer lol.
Im not saying you didnt stay up there all weekend, i just want to let you know what S3 was saying"

Me: "Im Sure...

Well its in his eyes, he asked me to cut it short, and hes old enough to decide for himself so Id like to see him get what he wants"

EX: "Agreed, i already said id make the appointment. Headed into work now so Ill make one when im in"

ME: "Im just making sure it gets cut shorter than last time.
Also, your BF could have bought a bed instead of a powerwheels"

EX: "Well the bed at my mothers house works perfectly fine so, no, he doesn't need to buy a bed. Im going into work now *OK Hand Emoji* BYE"

Me: "Sure. Whatever. Not a big deal.

How about potty training? He has been making leaps and bounds at home and at school. How about with you?

EXWIFE, I saw you last week driving from OM's house direction in the morning, all three of you going to drop S3 off at school. Plus S3 talks about sleeping there all the time. Like often, Please just be honest about our child. We are never going to be able to be an effective co parenting team if we arent honest with each other. i really dont see the point on making this harder on eachother. Theres no reason for us to have this animosity between us. The relationship is over, we have both moved on. I harbor no ill will and hold no grudges. All i care about is effectively communicating so we can properly parent our son. I wont bring up the CO-Sleeping at OM's anymore, what you choose to do when you have our son is your choice, even if i disagree with it. I just want peace and ease for S3. That is all.

Have a good day at work and a good weekend. I will talk to you Monday or Tuesday to solidify plans for when S3 doesnt have school at the end of the month. I hope things are going well for you. Have a good one, Bye.

EX: "I guess we are on different pages with school and potty training. the notes ive gotten say he has used the potty once or twice, thats all. I will catch up with them when i am next at the school.


In regards to you seeing us last week, yes i know. I saw you drive by. We were there early, leaving OM's truck at his house before dropping S3 off at school before leaving that morning for a couple of days, which we used OM's car for.
Im still not sure why he apparently frequently says he sleeps there. He asks me to and i tell him his bed is at my mothers. HE has fallen asleep there a few times on the couch after playing or not having a nap, and i bring him home and put him to bed. Also this is not me saying he does sleep there so please dont twist it that way. but in response to your "he could have bought a bed" Comment, just for the record there is also an entire extra bedroom there in OM's house.

ME: "School said he used the potty all day yesterday. Only one wet diaper.

As you Say EXWIFE,
Well, Congrats.
Enjoy your weekend."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Couple of points.

Why grill me about whether or not i was at the beach house? that didnt have anything to do with the other points of the conversation.

Glad to get a solid copy of a text of her acknowledging the fact that S3 is at OM's house a lot.
I will bring up the exposure to affair partner in court during divorce hearing.
Its widely known introducing affair partners to kids is bad for development, and OM has been around S3 since last summer.

Any thoughts on this convo anyone?

[TBSakaJ9]

OK - What happened to yes, no, Thank you or not initiating conversation at all? Your W will never admit to you that your son is sleeping with OM in his bed. Cheeseless tunnel.

To me it is way too much dialogue. For me it still shows that you are wanting answers. I also feel that you were trying to be nice to her to see if you could manipulate her into admitting something. You were also passive aggressive as well.

My XW asked me Monday to get our girls hair cut.....this was our convo.

XW - Any chance you could take them to get a hair cut? Walk in only, you can deduct from child support.

ME - YES....where is the place?

XW - Here is the location, they need a shampoo and trim.

ME - Any other special instructions?

XW - No

ME - K

[OrangeK]

Joseph,

I can see the difference in your convo with your EX.

Notice how your EX will communicate and cooperate.

"deduct it from the child support"
Never would i ever hear that from my EX.

I am trying to slowly build to a point where the animosity has faded and we can communicate like you and your EX do.
Everything gets turned into a federal case right now, either by me in the past, or by her.
Take the "did you stay at the Beach House" section for example.
She claimed to be just relaying what S3 said, but it was clearly just a veiled way to ask if I had stayed at the Beach House.
No different than when I had been calling to talk to S3, when i was actually trying to see if she was sleeping at home or at OM's.
Im done with the spy crap. Its getting neither of us anywhere but with more grudges and BS.
Im done being angry at her, but i am also done walking on eggshells and trying to be all subtle about stuff.

As far as the passive aggressiveness, i doll it out when i receive it. Such as the OK Emoji. Her trademark "F**k you" equivalent. I am not going to just bend over and play Mr. Nice Guy, i will stand up for myself, but not go on the direct attack.

Im just sick of being lied to. Over and over again. It needs to stop. Nothing will get accomplished without honesty.

[Ginger1]

Doling it out when you receive it will not change the dynamic, it will just fuel it, as evidenced in this conversation which is exactly like all your other conversations. her beach house comments are you OM comments. Your dynamic stays the same, and you will not get any closer to where you say you desire to be.