Yep, the psychology behind that is all tough. No question. I went through it too. I slept very little. IN the first 2 months of my sitch. Had bad dreams about me chasing and her running. Or her with OM. It was awful.

Some actually have to get medications to help them. I battled through it.

And yes your sub-conscious is trying to hang on. However, your sub-conscious wants the ideal of her, not what she has become. That is the part that is difficult for LBSs to get through. The girl you married is gone. Maybe never to return.

So what are you going to do to help yourself? You mention your shattered self-esteem. Get back into IC and rebuild it!

M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018