I've just got back from my trip with my son. Things actually got worse when we returned. W seems more determined that she will leave me. She set up a timeline that she will move out in 8 months and get divorced in next summer. It was hell to me last week, I was in a really depressed mood and in my tears all day along (only when W and S4 are alway). I don't know when this will end and I really miss her so much, although we see each other every day and we stay under the same roof. W said she really enjoyed the alone time.
Last Friday, when we had lunch together, she mentioned again about the timeline. I responded by saying no matter what happens in the future, we should try to live happily now and give as much love as we can for our S. This was a good 180 for me, I would've begged and pleaded before. However, it still hurt really bad. I ended up really depressed in the afternoon. However, when we all return home, I tried to be as positive as I can. She was nice in that evening to me and S4. So basically I haven't been able to detach because my emotions clearly get affected W easily. However, I started acting detached at least and held the impulse to beg and plea.
The weekend was nice. We went for lunch together with S4 on Saturday, and had a really nice time. What's more important is that she repeated to me multiple times before that it was the last time we go out together. However, we still go out together. This confirms the idea that "don't believe what she says." Then I should not take what she said about moving out and eventually get divorced too seriously. Or at least I should believe that her mind is changing all the time. Overall, she is calmer than before and is willing to spend more time with our S4.
One thing strange is that she brought up the topic of having a second child. Couple of months before the BD, W was trying to convince me to have a second child with her. I at the time was a little resistant to the idea. But now when we visit our friends with the second child (a baby girl), she would bring up the topic, except she keeps telling me that I should find someone to have a second child before it's too late (that is before I am getting old). When I respond that I would only do that with her, she would say she will never do it, and that she was stupid before but now awakened. She stresses about how much work a second child would add and how the health condition of those mothers have gotten worse. I felt it's like her bio clock is ticking (she had the idea that we should have all our children before 30s, now we are 31), and she is projecting that pressure to me now.
H: 31 W:31 M: 6 T: 10 S: 4 BD: 12/2017 In house separation: 12/2017
